Strawberries to Start the Summer

Yesterday we loaded kids, carseats, snacks, and buckets into a friend's minivan - 2 moms and our 4 kids - and went questing after the fierce, but not particualrly elusive, Strawberry.

We were successful. We went picking at a friend's farm where the berries were thick and sweet.

Brother-Bug hard at work and snack.

There was great excitement from all the kids, and enough space in the open fields for them to run and scream and "help" pick berries for pies and jams and frozen treats.

I love getting kids out of the house and out of the constraints if the city. I always notice how much happier they seem, how less drastic their meltdowns become. I especially love when we can connect the experiences of outside and away to the food that we eat. It seems so empowering and health-building, not to mention FUN!

What all kids really need - space to run and play without restraint.

The strawberries taste the best when they are fresh in the field, all the better for being just a little dusty. When we bring the berries home and wash them, they still taste better than purchased berries because our work is a part of them, and our memories of toddlers free-ranging through rows of bright berries lingers around each bite.

Oh Yum!!

Berry picking should be a mandatory activity, and not only for children. Take a morning, or the whole day. Play hooky and flee to the berry patch. In most areas strawberries absurd just starting. Soon you can find blueberries or blackberries. The summer is full of sweetness.

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We went picking at Riverbend Farm, near Pleasant Hill. I love this farm and buy all my canning fruits from them. If you aren't in our area, try a Google search for u-pick berries. Find your own favorite local farms to support.

Keep your eye out for a post about all the many things I will do with these berries!

I guess my work is cut out for me...

Nursing On Demand or Nursing By Desire?

I love this recent blog post from Nurshable. It resonates so very deeply. As I move toward nursing my third child (while still nursing my second) I am still stunned by the look in my daughter's eyes when she gazes at me while we nurse. There is so much love and trust there. I would not trade that for anything.

Me and my kids - tandem nursing on Sister-Bug's first day. Brother on the bottom, Sister on the top.

I've been thinking about the term "On Demand Nursing" and I don't like it. A Google search defines demand as:

de·mand/diˈmand/

Noun:	An insistent and peremptory request, made as if by right.
Verb:	Ask authoritatively or brusquely

Certainly as a nursing mom I've experienced demands from both my children, but our nursing relationship is much deeper than that. "On Demand" implies that I am held to the whims of a tiny tyrant, that I have little choice in the matter. But we need a new phrase - one that connotates the positive action of meeting our baby/toddler/child's needs because we have the desire to be the best mother we can be. A similar Google search defines desire as:

de·sire/dəˈzī(ə)r/

Noun:	A strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
Verb:	Strongly wish for or want (something).

That's more the kind of word I'm looking for.

Desire is a good thing. Desire motivates us to seek out satiation. Often we share our desires with others, especially those we love deeply. I chose to nurse this way because I desired this amazing closeness with my children. I chose this because my understanding and experience led me to the decision that this is best for both of us and, like all parents, I desire to do what is best for my family.

Sometimes, as babies grow to toddlers, I say "No. I can't nurse this minute." And we discuss when we will settle and nurse. There are two (sometimes more) people in the equation, with unique needs, demands, and desires. I honor the building and unfolding of that nursing relationship. My desire is to aid and support it to the best of my ability.

Much as I reject the designation of "Human Pacifier", I will no longer practice "On Demand Nursing". I'm changing it. My kids and I will Nurse By Desire.

Kindergarten Review: February - Space

In February the subject was Brother-Bug's choice. We went to the outer reaches of the stars. Actually we stuck pretty close to our galaxy, learning our planets and nearby constellations.

As always, we started with a list of questions and a pile of books from the library. We stayed more with space and never got to astronauts and space ships.

One major project was trying to impart the idea of scale. We gathered a basket ball, a quarter, a nickel, 2 popcorn kernels, 2 sesame seeds, and 2 poppy seeds. The basketball represented the sun, the quarter was Jupiter, the nickel was Saturn, the popcorns were Neptune and Uranus, the sesame seeds were Venus and Earth, and the poppy seeds were Mars and Mercury (if you want to include Pluto, use a grain of salt). I don't know how well Brother-Bug understood the concept of scale, but I learned a lot! And it helped to put those planet names and sizes in our heads for the next project.

We used out dining room light as the sun, made planets of construction paper, and lined them up across the ceiling. I went for approximate scale - the little planet were little, on up in graduating sizes, using the previous project as a guide. I didn't worry about orbits or distances between the planets. We put in the asteroid belt, and Brother-Bug got some great handwriting work done making the labels for each planet.

Using felt, ribbon, and a stick we made a mobile of the Andromeda constellation, reading the myth (I did a little on-the-fly editing to make it age-appropriate) while we worked. We talked about how constellations help us see the stars in patterns so we don't get lost when we look up. We also talked about how people have told star stories as far back as we know, and constellations are one way we have saved those stories.

We read a bunch if books and watched some space documentaries, as well as The Magic School Bus space themed episodes. But the best project? We made a rocket ship.

A little cardboard, packing tape, and a box cutter, and soon we needn't only read about the planets...we could travel to them!! Both kids spent the better part of many days in the rocket ship, traveling to various points in space. I listened to Brother-Bug attempt to instruct his sister in the science of counting down to Blast Off. Frequently I was informed that I was now really heavy and couldn't jump because we had landed on Jupiter (as an example). The book that really aided is in this all encompassing imagination game was If You Decide to Go to The Moon by Faith McNulty and illustrated by Steven Kellogg. And kid with any interest in space would love this book.

Papa-Bug helped us explore some science fiction and space opera - some less violent episodes of Star Trek, as well as reading some select chapters of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to Brother-Bug. This furthered our discussion of star stories, and inspired one final project.

I recorded Brother-Bug telling me his own space adventure story. I recorded it, pausing the record to ask him questions when he got stuck. The result was a minute and twenty second story of A Trip to Saturn (the link is a cowbird story that includes the audio of the story).


This was a great unit. At the very least, I think I actually learned the order of the planets finally! And the imagination that was inspired was some of our best yet.

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Homeschool update:

Here we are in May and I'm just posting February's review! Yoikes! The pregnancy is slowing everything down and while we keep homeschooling (because how can we not? Learning seems to find us no matter what!) we are letting go of our formal units in favor of less stress. The summer is coming when we would take a break anyway and I want to spend more time out and enjoying. The Baby is coming in November, so we will certainly do some work around the Election, but mostly the fall will be spent in getting ready for our new being. I hope to be back to something a little more organized in January.

In March we explored Mammals (have you ever heard of a Numbat? I hadn't.) and for April & May we are exploring herbalism and gardening, but we haven't done a lot of easily reportable project. I have been delighted to watch Brother-Bug take the lead and explore the topics in his own way. It's given me lots of good ideas for the future as his educational needs grow and change.

And the lack of pictures... There are a bunch that I wanted to post and when I went to finish this post yesterday my computer, where the photos live, gave me the blue screen of death. My fingers are crossed. It's pretty much all backed up, but we need to take an evening and really look at it.

A Co-Sleeping Family

Clearly these two beauties were made for snuggling.

Honestly, we never meant to co-sleep with our kids. Our babies, definitely. But I envisioned toddler years when we would lovingly move our child into a toddler bed, reclaiming our bedroom for our adult lives. I envisioned a preschooler joining us in bed in the mornings, cuddling down between us for a quick connection before we got up.

And when I was pregnant with Sister-Bug we made all attempts to move Brother-Bug into his own bed. It lasted about... 3 months and then he was right back in with us, limbs wrapped around the nearest parent. Now, at 5 1/2, he has no more notion of sleeping in his own bed than he did as an infant.

This works for our family.

Co-sleeping might not work for all families. I am blessed with a co-sleeping history (me, 2 parents, 3 siblings, one bed...cuddles which lasted into my early teens) and value the physical comfort I still have with my siblings, a comfort that I attribute partially to co-sleeping. Papa-Bug and I both love to snuggle, and neither kid is given to overmuch kicking and flailing. We have a big bed.

This picture might not work for your family, and the idea of sleeping with your child (or even teenager!) makes a lot of people uncomfortable. That's okay. I don't need anyone to be comfortable with our sleeping arrangements except for us in this bed.

There are drawbacks, but they are few and far-between. My co-sleeping toddler still wants and needs me when she goes to sleep - nap or otherwise - and so I find myself laying down in bed when I might be doing other things. It forces my sweetheart and I to get creative about intimacy - and this is something that worries lots of people. But hey - it's my romance and not your business. We will leave it there. But the drawbacks are far outweighed by the benefits...

There are lots of reasons we love co-sleeping, and I thought I would share some of the reasons I didn't fully think about when we started our snuggling adventure.

Tired Papa and his Little Fairy

*Its easy with a newborn. Tiny babies are notorious for keeping their parents going around the clock. But if I am curled up in bed with my baby in the crook of my arm, I can doze while they nurse, contemplate the heavens, or whatever else it is they do in the night. I firmly believe that my newborn is safer next to me than in a crib. I can feel and respond to sleep changes at a moments notice. Baby can hear my heartbeat and my breathing, and continue to learn these things from me if reminders are needed. I am aware of this person, even in my deepest sleep.

But what about rolling onto the baby? someone always asks. Well, I did that. We were visiting my Dad with 9-week old Brother-Bug. The bed was on a slight angle toward the baby's side. I was exhausted and on a three hour jet-lag, which changed how deeply I was asleep. Gravity pulled me over onto the baby. As it turns out, even a sleeping baby doesn't like to be squished! It turns out that I wake up when I roll into a squirming 9 pound bump in the bed. No harm done. Lesson learned.

(Of course, if you or someone in your bed is under a sedative influence - alcohol, sleep medication, etcetera, this is a different equation and the baby should not be near that person. The other side of the non-influenced parent or it's own bed near the adult bed is safe.)

After a few months of Brother-Bug sleeping and nursing through the nights I stopped fully waking to nurse him. We would switch sides, adjust, comfortably latch, and fall back asleep. Same deal with changing diapers, and later helping Sister-Bug pee in the potty during the night - all things I did in a state of semi-slumber, hardly breaking my sleep cycle.


*Babies sleep through the night sooner I believe, because they aren't getting woken up and removed from their bed to eat at various intervals. While they are learning their circadian rhythm, they don't know that it's time to sleep when it is dark. So once you get them out of bed they are ready to play. If they stir, and go right back to nursing, they learn quickly to sleep when it is dark.

*It's easier and safer when a baby or child is sick. If I sleep skin-to-skin with a feverish baby, I can

Me and the fat Sister-Bug - newborn napping.

monitor their fever while I doze (I never sleep fully if my baby or kid is sick). I can keep them comfortable. They don't choke on their vomit because I am right there to help them with Mt. Vesuvius. I've been known to get a toddler pointing off the bed to barf on the floor when both of us were asleep at first gurgle - so honed are my Mama-reflexes from sleeping with my babies. If my kids were in their own beds we would be up and down all night while we checked on them. I wouldn't always be there to catch the vomit and reassure a scared and uncomfortable little person immediately. I wouldn't know if a fever suddenly spiked. And I wouldn't get nearly as much rest, which keeps me healthy and makes me less likely to get sick.


*Likewise, we are there for immediate nightmare relief. No wailing child in the night - we are able to gently guide them back to reality and settle them safe in our arms where all is cozy.

*We have less night-time potty accidents because we can respond to the movements our kids make when they need to pee. They learn from our awareness and they quickly get to a point of meeting that need for themselves (often with a parent to go with) in the night.


And the most important thing.

*They are little, ours to snuggle close, for such a precious and short time. We watch them sleep, we hold them safe and close, we listen to their dreams, and marvel at how long their limbs have grown. I spend about a third of the hours in a day cuddled with my children in our big bed. We rest out bodies and brains and re-connect our spirits. We reach out for one another in our sleep, trusting that Love is right there.

Someday I will revel in a bed of just me and my husband, or even (!) just me. But right now I am laying down nursing my daughter, looking forward to a warm little boy who will snuggle me up while I read the next chapter of The Wind In The Willows to us. And I can't imagine anywhere else I would rather be.

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Read my recent Cowbird Story about the Magical Giggle - the story that inspired this post. 

And there he will cuddle all night.

Kids Grow Like Weeds

Brother-Bug is learning to write and plays all the time with basic adding and subtraction. Beyond providing occasional forays into the idea of writing and ciphering, I have done little to "get him there". Mostly he got there on his own.

Sister-Bug lives in a musical where she sings many of her thoughts, picks up music all the time, and frequently requests that I sing (often inventing) songs of her choosing. "Mama, sing me a baby hippo song!" Beyond having music in our lives, and loving to sing for myself, her interest and aptitude in music is self-led.

Both my kids fall into "cognitively advanced" when we go to the pediatrician. I've never done a darn thing to get them there - besides just the way I parent and hang out with them. No baby genius programs or Toddler Mandarin or what ever. In fact, a lot of the time I just let them do whatever they are doing without my input. Sometimes I join in. Sometimes I intervene in the interest of kindness and safety. Sometimes they join me in my work around the house. Often we read. More often we converse. Always we are (all of us) learning.

This is, to me, the essence of homeschooling. Our days unfold. We do a little school work now and then, but at 5 and almost-2 I think we learn more just enjoying our day. So my kids might grow a little wild or leggy like a healthy weed. Of course... most weeds are super nutritious....

Brother-Bug as a baby "learning" about mud as we garden together.

Thanks to Beverley Paine at Life Learning Magazine for inspiring this post. If you are interested in kids education, it's truly worth the read. And thanks to parents like Beverley and my mom who decided to break away from the norm and educate their own. They made this so much easier for me!

The Behavior Tree

Brother-Bug has many of the behavior issues of his age-set - the boundary pushing, power playing, individuality experimenting that delights all parents. He's bright and sensitive and deeply feeling. What Papa-Bug and I want most for him is that he learns how to have these big feelings within the context of kind behavior. We don't want to have to get him in trouble as much as we want him to think about his actions and make good decisions for himself. 

Ages ago, somewhere, I read about "Table Manner Tree", designed to help children learn their table manners. While I don't remember the specifics, I re-created the general idea for our household and expanded it to include the general beahvior stuff that we want Brother-Bug to be working on.

Our tree - day one. Fifty-seven leaves and flowers in place.

The tree is simple. Brown construction paper for the trunk and branches and colored post-its for the leaves and flowers. On the left there is a calendar for the month. On the right is a list of the specific tasks that Brother-Bug is working on with the tree.

The List:
There are about a dozen behavior tasks on the list. They range in scope from not picking his nose, to being patient with his sister, to using his utensils and napkin. Easier behaviors are green. More difficult behaviors are yellow. There is one pink task - accepting a consequence without fussing. The colors correspond to leaves and flowers. If you are making your own tree, obviously you would craft the list to your child's specific needs and challenges. I tried to keep the list in the positive, using "Yes" language. "Keeping fingers out of the nose" instead of "Not picking the nose".

How The List and Leaves Work:
When Brother-Bug ignores or forgets a rule of good behavior from the list, a leaf (or flower, depending on the color) falls to the ground. When he remembers to use his good behavior he can get the leaves and flowers back on the tree. Very simple. I made lots of leaves, so that even on a very bad day the tree is still beautiful and rewarding to look at. The pink flowers, as I mentioned, are about calmly accepting consequences - whether the consequence is the falling leaf or something more drastic like losing dessert...

The Calendar:
The calendar has each day divided into two sections. At the end of each day we count how many leaves are down and how many are on the tree. We write the "up" number and "down" number in the two spaces. We wanted someway to help Brother-Bug think about the fits he throws, but couldn't think of a good and specific way to write it on The List, since fits can be all-encompassing and apply to many behaviors. We added the concept of the gold star to the calendar component. If Brother-Bug has no temper fits, he gets a gold star on that day.


How I Think This Works:

Our tree (and garden) today!

The stars and leaves and flowers give Brother-Bug (and his parents) a neutral place to look objectively at his behavior. There is no loss or shame in a leaf falling, it simply does so. Several times I have shown Brother-Bug that a lot of leaves have fallen of a day, and been delighted to see him (usually) turn his behavior around and try to get the leaves back up. He can look at the calendar and see his good days and bad days. He can control how many leaves are on the tree. He can make choices.

Sister-Bug is really into it. So much so that Papa-Bug made her a small "Garden" with five flowers in it. Each flower is a post-it. When she is good and sweet and doesn't shriek, her flowers bloom in her garden. When she is shrieking and whining, her flowers fall "just like brother". Her's is more arbitrary, or course, but I am happy to see that she is interested, and often responsive, to the idea of behavior moderation and self-control in these ways.

All-in-all, I am very pleased at how well this is working so far. And if you want to give it a try, let me know how it works for you! I imagine you could make any thing that you could "take" from - an aquarium with fish, a larger garden, a cake with candles, a pizza with toppings...

A Birthday Banner

Adding a festive birthday note to our space!

For Brother-Bug's first birthday I dug deep into the scrap bin and made The Birthday Banner. This banner has been hung at all our family birthdays since then, and will continue to be hung as we all grow and change. When Sister-Bug was born, one of Brother-Bug's jobs was to hang the banner with help from one of his birth attendants.

A quick Google search reveals that similar banners are between $10-$90. However, if you have basic sewing skills, a banner is very easy to make.

The middle three flags - so scrappy!

Our banner has white felt for the flags. I cut triangles about 6 inches wide and 9 inches tall.

Each flag is bound in bias tape - I used the scraps from my bias tape box. You will need about 9 yards of bias tape.

I added another stripe of ribbon, tic-rack, or other trim to each flag, following the line of the bias tape. Again, I used scraps I had in my trim box - another 8-9 yards total.

There are 16 flags on our banner. Three have star appliqués, one to start, one between the two words, and one to finish. The other thirteen have the letters of happy birthday zig-zagged on. Here is where the scrap bin is particularly important. The scraps that form the letters are our scraps. Here is Brother-Bug's baby sun hat... There is Papa-Bug's favorite Hawaiian shirt that tore... This used to be a skirt of Mama's... And so on. I cut the letters freehand and used some fixative so they wouldn't wiggle as I zig-zagged them on.

Close up of the binding construction.

I found some gold star buttons in the button box and sewed them on various flags, putting the big one in the middle.

Finally, I took a wide ribbon (2-3 inches) that was about 5 yards long and carefully bound it over the tops of the flags and getting all the flags in a row. Now the banner is basically complete. I sewed long lengths of 1/8 inch ribbon on each end to tie it up.

Our banner is now into its 5th year, and 15th birthday (or somewhere around that). It's still lovely. The kids adore it. Papa-Bug and I like to sneak the night before a birthday and put it up so the birthday person sees it first thing at breakfast.

It's one of those little things that makes a birthday extra special in our house.

Taking Time to Enjoy

Yesterday it was sunny and warm in the afternoon - warm like fifty degrees! I thought we could go play in the yard a little and soak up some potential vitamin D. I had a lot to get done yesterday, with Brother-Bugs school work, household tasks, the work that I do...

And then I thought. "NO! LET'S GO TO THE PARK!"

After all, that's why we home school, right? That's why I don't seek employment. So that we can grab the nice days and the snow days and the sick days and live them to their fullest. Sunny? School can happen in the park - at the very least it's PE! Snowy - same deal. Let's get out and play! Rainy and cold is a great time to cuddle up and read or do projects. Sick days are actually opportunities to snuggle together and read "Where The Sidewalk Ends" cover-to-cover in a day.

Because we can.

So often I find myself caught in the trap of "Do, Do, Do" that I forget what my good friend Mark says.

"We are human beings, not human doings."

Swing!! Contrary to her face, it's actually a favorite...

There's a lot to do with kids and curriculum and house and personal interests and volunteering and so on. It's a huge challenge for me to put off the work of the day for the fun that could happen if I let my vision shift a little bit. Because it will likely be rainy tomorrow and the school work will still be there. The dishes will (sigh) still be dirty. The volunteer manual will still need to be edited.

But we didn't miss the sun. We made a new friend. We ran and played and went swinging and sliding. And that, my friends, is worth a lot. Even worth extra crusty dishes.

Happy, Merry, and Bright

A Holiday with two little ones leaves very little time for writing. Multiple holidays and family birthdays with two little ones leave even less time.

Somewhere there are pictures of carefully crafted gifts...and someday I will post them, possibly along with instructions. Somewhere there are Simple Saturday drafts, about simplifying these family holidays. But we were just too busy for simplicity.

All that said, I hope you had a Happy Solstice, a Merry Christmas, Bright Hannukah, and Joyous anything else you celebrate at this time of year.

We did.

Blessings and Peace to All.

Mindful Monday: Ride the Crazy Wave

It's the holidays. It's festive. It's crazy. There are little people in my world who are so excited they simply cannot contain themselves.

Family comes into town this weekend. We go with my family (all 12 or so of us) to the beach for four days of solid merriment. We get home from that and get ready for Christmas. We don't start coming down until after New Years.

Everything is upset; my housekeeping schedule, my blogging schedule, the kids routine.

My Mindful Monday this week is to do what needs to be done, enjoy the madness, release the blog schedule, but try to keep (somewhat) to the housekeeping schedule. I'll keep posting through the next few weeks, sharing the holiday madness with you all, but I'll do it on my schedule, as I want to or have time to.

Because my real Mindful Monday is to enjoy the Holidays and all the chaotic, glittering, exuberant madness.

Simple Saturday - Holiday Edition: The Great Toy Give away

One thing I try to teach, model, and live at this time of year is giving. It is a season of giving, not of getting. So while we do make lists for Santa, we try to focus more on what we are giving to others - talking about who we are gifting as we are making gifts and baking cookies, and how much those recipients will enjoy our gift.

We also have a yearly tradition that we call "The Great Toy Give-Away". It happens today, the first Saturday of December. We've done it every year since Brother-Bug was one (that first Christmas he was 3 months old, so didn't have much to giveaway).

The idea is simple. We look through our toys and find some nice ones that we no longer use. We pick them out and take them to a local family homeless shelter. While we are doing it, we talk about what it might be like to have Christmas morning without a house, how we are helping other kids have presents, maybe some kids won't have a present unless we share some of our excess.

Every year it is a little hard. Every year I am warmed to my core when Brother-Bug gets into it and truly gives from his heart. My favorite was when he gave up a Tonka dump truck, so shocked was he (at three) that some kid might not have even one toy truck!

I've sweetened the deal a little. As we go through the toys, we find a present from Santa. It comes with a note thanking our family for being so generous. The present is usually a Christmas DVD. It doesn't add to our toy load and helps us look forward to this exercise in generosity.

Also, we've linked this with the getting of the tree. Take the toys, pick out a tree, come home and decorate, watch a new Christmas movie. It ends up being a really nice day.

My hope is that we make some space in our toy storage for some of the new toys arriving in a few weeks.  My hope is that the kids learn that giving is an essential part of this season. My hope is that they take the needs of others into consideration when approaching this most festive of seasons.

They might hate it now, or tolerate their Mother's insistence. But maybe the lesson will stick. I hope.

Simple Saturday: Independent Snacking

One of the things that can drive me crazy is how the Little Bugs always seem to get hungry the minute I have gotten my hands deep in a project, sat down to nurse, or just opened my book. I know I shouldn't get peeved - they are growing and they get hungry and that's okay.

But really? I just started writing this! Two minutes ago I was in the kitchen, digging through the fridge, and you couldn't want a snack then?

In answer to this, I decided to simplify and empower. To do this I got a smaller selection of snacks, focusing on nutritional and flavor balance as well as things I was okay with both kids eating whenever. Then I got three plastic containers with lids that Brother-Bug can easily open.

I keep these bins in a low cupboards, and/or on the bottom shelf of the fridge. Brother-Bug can help himself anytime he is hungry - and he usually takes on sharing with his sister as well.

I keep refreshing the snacks as they need it, and I usually put two different things in each bin. One might have fruit leather and nuts, one crackers and nori, and one carrot and green bean pieces. I try to stick to our concept of The Three Gs as my guidelines. If there is something sweet like fruit leather, they have to eat everything in the bin, not just the sweetie) before that bin is replenished.

Some things I have packed in these bins: cheese and meat bites, seaweed, assorted nuts, chips, crackers, freeze dried fruits and veggies, cooked chickpeas, fresh carrots, peas, celery, or green beans, tofu dip, yogurt, dried fruit, carrot & beet chips, trail mix...

I'm having fun finding fun snacks to diversify their bins, and also finding a special surprise snack occasionally. I think they are both learning about meeting their own needs, saving the sweets so they last (delayed gratification), and a little nutrition. When I do go to get a more prepared snack, I find that I am more inspired to make it fun a different because it's something I do once a day instead of three or four times a day.

And when someone comes in the middle of my writing time, I can easily remind them that the snacks ate within their reach.

What To Do When...

...the toddler eats a handful of raw ground turkey?
*
*

*
Clear your schedule, wear something washable, and prepare for some sticky, vomiting toddler snuggles. Yuck.

Spend some time on the phone with the pediatrician and the midwife. Be grateful that the midwife is well informed and really knows her stuff - because the pediatrician wasn't much help at all.

Also, save the package the turkey came in - in case you have to visit Urgent Care (looks like we missed that adventure, thank goodness!).

Sip Pedialite slowly, an hour after the last puke. Flavor it with a little peppermint tea to soothe the tummy.

Take a relaxing bath spiked with chamomile tea and lavender oil and wash the sticky off yourself and the toddler.


Go to bed with a movie....

Oh, wait. Wipe up and change everyone's shirts again. Sleep with the toddler cuddled up on a towel.

Sigh.

Plan on laundry for tomorrow. Lots of laundry.

Sigh.

Simple Saturday: The Toy Clean Out

I cleared out the play room last weekend, and have been watching the kids at play in their space since. The pleasure they have had in their space has been amazing to me, yet not surprising. I know that getting rid of excess always feels good for most people, and my kids are no different from me on that attribute.

It was necessary that something drastic change in their room to make space for the refurbished kitchen set my dad made when I was little. I wanted the set in there partly because it's is a beautiful (if ragged after years of play) handmade wooden kitchen that their Grandad created. I have wonderful memories of feasts and fantasies passing through that kitchen while my sister and I played. Additionally I wanted it available so that the Little Bugs could have access to some of that deep, creative play that happen with such a toy.

So I seized the opportunity. The kitchen set was almost ready - after many years of storage it needed some touch ups. The kids went over to my mom's house to help her finish and I tackled their toys.

It was not as big a job as I had anticipated. It was reassuring to know that we have done a good job of keeping a low-ish number of toys coming in the house. But still.

I used the Simplicity Parenting guidelines for clearing space - as I could remember them in the moment of cleaning. I altered them somewhat to fit best with my family's needs and desires.

I got rid of...

Part of the thrift store donation.

Duplicates - when we had two VW bug toys, two memory games, eight stuffed bears, and so on.

Broken toys - trucks missing tires, dolls missing heads, etcetera.

Random Gimcracks - fake teeth from the doctor, extra bouncy balls from a quarter machine, little animal shaped erasers from a past Easter party... You know what little stuff I'm talking about.

Stuff No One Plays With - a set of army men that had never left the box, some of those eight stuffed bears, a set of jacks, and more.

Of course, this is only a partial list. 

I kept new Birthday Presents and all the 'Cars' toys. I kept one noise-toy per kid - a special digger from Brother-Bug's God Mommies and a set of musical flowers that Sister-Bug adores.

The feeling in their room was palpable after I moved the mountain of stuff out to the car. Even though most of the toy storage us not in sight as you walk in the kids room, we could feel the difference as we entered.

All told we took about 5-6 grocery bags and one large trash bag of stuff out. This was probably around a third of the toys. The trash was trashed. The usable items I took immediately to the thrift store, so no little people saw what I was getting rid of.

When the kids got home, I steeled my nerves for sadness. After all, there were a lot less toys than they were used to. But neither has fussed at all, and the available toys are getting a lot more action. Their room is easier to clean up as well.

This has inspired me (and Papa-Bug) to strike at much of our own stuff and to tackle the present giving and receiving issue. The Holidays are just around the corner and I would hate to have all my clearing work undone by well-intentioned relatives.

Finally, I thought long an hard about including Brother-Bug in the process, but I'm glad I didn't. It would have been hard for both of us - he would have wanted to keep all the little bits of detritus that he doesn't realize I threw away. Eventually I am sure he will inventory his vehicles and find many missing, but so it goes.Without his input, I had the freedom to make choices I knew would benefit him. We told him in advance what I was going to be doing, and there were a couple of toys that he told me were really special to him - I kept those to honor his input.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the increased calm in the play room, and the little boy enjoying rediscovered toys and the new kitchen set. And mark down a major win for Simplicity.

Into The Fray

Today, Brother-Bug managed to squeeze in 5 or 6 different screaming fits in the first hour he was awake.

Woah. I hadn't had any caffeine yet. Neither had Papa-Bug. Sister-Bug just wanted a spoon to eat her eggs with. There was screaming and shrieking and hysterics on the couch. A lot of noise first thing in the morning.

Exhausting and frustrating as that was, I had to laugh after the screaming had died down a bit. Papa-Bug posted a wonderful piece about Brother's Freak Outs over at his blog. My writing plan for the day was to follow up on some of what he said. I guess Brother-Bug just knew that I needed some fodder...

We really try to give Brother-Bug the support he needs when his feelings run high - and he is prone to very volatile feelings. 

"This is harder than it seems. How do you offer love, support, and encouragement to a small person who is screeching at the top of his lungs, flailing with arms and legs, and demanding something that he can not have? But here’s the second revelation - he isn’t in control either. "

 It's such a dance of balance. When he is freaking out he just needs calm, quiet attention. Often he needs physical affection - reassurance that we are right there while he rides it out. But at the same time, I feel that he also needs to learn that I can't always drop everything to provide that attention. Sometimes he needs to ride it out without me; I might be nursing Sister-Bug or finishing up dinner or (like this morning) taking a few minutes to finish my daily journal entry and have just a smidgen of Me Time.

Of course, in the moments he is too out of control to figure out the details of coping without attention.

And then there is the question of giving attention that might reinforce this kind of tantrum. One of the morning events was a fit because I wasn't cuddling him enough. He clearly needed loving attention and cuddles, but the way he was screeching and demanding it made me really want to flee to another room, possibly another state. As Papa-Bug so aptly put it, "I don't negotiate with terrorists."

So what to do when I can't give him the attention to ride it out? Where is the pressure valve or rhythm point that helps Brother-Bug when he most needs help? What do we do to build a set of good habits for self-grounding when Mama and Papa can't help?

Errands Re-Done

Ages ago I posted that our errand days was hellish and needed a makeover. I watched errands for a couple of weeks and contemplated how they happened and what restrictions already existed that I would have to work with.

The only major restrictions I found had to do with the day of the week, and the amount of time needed. Our food co-op is open on Thursday and Friday only, and that is where I do the bulk (that's a pun there...) of my shopping. I also needed enough time to do the three essentials - library, co-op, conventional grocery store - and maybe a little extra time for extra small errands - drop this off, get new shoes kind of thing - or a park stop, or ???

Okay, that part was easy. Harder was identifying where the specific issues were around the morass of errand day. It took a while to break it down, but I finally got it.

The first place of difficulty was trying to run errands over lunch time. Duh, right? But I always glibly thought I would pack a lunch, but even if I did (not often) there really wasn't a good place to eat and enjoy.

The other time issue is Sister-Bug's nap, which happens right after...lunch time of course! When I initially started errands with her on Friday morning, it got us home in time for Brother-Bug's resting time and she just slept in the car wherever whenever. But lately she has refused most car naps, and always woke up when I tried to snug her into the Ergo or sling for gocery shopping. So she would get home hungry and exhausted. Not pleasant.

On either side of errands I discovered more issues. Getting the books together, the menu prepared, the containers and bags ready for the co-op, and other extraneous details together (like a diaper bag maybe) actually takes almost as much time as running the actual errands. By trying to leave in the morning I wasn't leaving myself enough time to do the preparation necessary to make the errands work. By the time I got home from errands, I was too tired to think of cooking whatever I had put on the menu. Even if I left at 9 AM, the day was already shot when I got home with hungry, exhausted kids at 1 or 2. So I spent the rest of the day caring for them when I was just tired...and then having to cook dinner as well.

And my long day conicided with Papa-Bug getting home from his long week of work, both of us staring at each other across the table too blitzed to even converse coherently.

So, having put all of those pieces on the table in front of my face... Well, first I was baffled at how far out-of-what errands had actually gotten! The adjustments away from balanced had happened slowly, over a year, and I just hadn't quite caught up.

But I figured it out.

First I changed the time. Now we leave after Sister-Bug wakes up from her nap. We have all had lunch and I just keep some crackers or fruit in the car for a late afternoon pick me up. We are all fed and rested when we hit the road. I use the morning time to do some school work with Borther-Bug, pack for the errands, make the menu, and prep dinner. I get everything in the car while Sister-Bug is napping, so when she has woken and nursed we can hit the road. The un-sought benefit of this is that it restricts my time a little bit, so I try to do less. I assess my errand list and figure out what I can do another time, when I am out without the kids, or after Papa-Bug gets home from work, or if I even need to run that errand.

Next I realized that trying to cook something unique on errand day was just asking for headaches. So I planned out six menus and put them on a master list next to the menu plan. Now for errand day I just look ahead and see what's coming up. To make it onto the list it had to be something we liked enough to eat a lot, no matter what, and it had to take less than a half hour of active kitchen time to prepare. There are 6 weeks planned out and then I go back to the beginning of the list and run through it again.

I also changed the day. Now we go on Thursday instead of Friday, so I am not (as) blitzed when Papa-Bug gets home after the week's work, nor am I too blitzed if we have the opportunity to go out for dinner with friends or do something else fun. The un-sought benefit here is that I am not as close with the people who shop on Thursday at our co-op, so I spend less time socializing and shop a lot faster.

I called in my mom for support. She is out of town every other Thursday, but when she is in town I leave the kids with her after we go to the library. They all love the special play time together. I love grocery shopping by myself, and having them elsewhere gives me a little extra time to do some of those extraneous errands that take so much longer with two kids to load and un-load and cajole through the event.

Frequently Papa-Bug can meet us near the end of errands and get a ride home with us, maybe stopping at the last grocery store and shopping together.

And when we get home, dinner is already to go. Papa-Bug and I can connect and put the groceries away while the kids put away their new library books. The stress dissipates.

It took me a while to find all the puzzle pieces, let alone get them into place. But now that I have made such sweeping change, I'm surprised it took me so long. It's my reminder to closely examine my days now and then, to see how we can make them flow with better rhythm.

What can you fix in your schedule that feels out of whack?

I Don't Get It

In this game, Brother-Bug hands his sister a plastic fruit or vegetable with the command:

"Cucumber! (noun appropriate to the piece he is holding) Accept it!"

Sister-Bug takes it, has one pretend bite, places the food in a basket, and then they repeat with the next piece of fruit or veggie.

This has been going on, with erratic interruptions, for about a half hour now.

I don't know what's going on, really. But this is deep play at it's finest... The kind that grown-ups just can't do anymore, because we can't just "accept it".

Wordless Wednesday: My Nursing Career

First nursing day ever.

 I know it's supposed to be "Wordless", but I want to preface today by saying that it has been National Breastfeeding Month all August. To celebrate, on this last Wednesday of August, here are pictures of me nursing my little ones.

I have been nursing for just under 5 years. Ten and a half months I nursed both kids at once. It's magical and special and amazing. I feel so blessed that my babies have grown healthy and strong with what my body can make.

Mama Faery nurses Baby-Faery (Brother-Bug)

Brother-Bug and I review a picture book with my mom.

Brother and Sister-Bugs latch together on Sister's first morning with us.

Little Sister enjoys a solo nosh.

Sister on Brother on Mama! Everyone eats.

This is a favorite moment. Sister-Bug is a day old. She is laying on Brother-Bug who has his arm wrapped around her in a cuddle. Talk about sweet memories.

Mindful Monday: Simplify, Simplify

Right now I am in the middle of reading Simplicity Parenting. Likely I will be posting a review and my personal thoughts on it soon. Until then, let me just say that the messages of Kim John Payne are really resonating with me, and backing up some ideas I already have had, leading where my instincts tell me to go.

When we moved I initiated a toy library/bank. I put about 1/4 or so of the kids toys in a big bin, intending to switch out toys as they looked for the missing toys or wanted something new.

To my surprise everyone, including me, forgot about the bin until recently. So far I am the only one who has remembered. I haven't mentioned it to the kids. Their room is so full of stuff that they haven't even noticed the missing toys.

This Monday I am committing to doing some of the reduction and clean out recommended by Payne in his book.

Who: Family-wide, everyone gets to play! (I'll be the one doing the majrity of the grunt work, however...)

What: Clean out and simplify the books, make a toy-simplification plan.

Why: Brother-Bug has so many books and toys that he is often too overwhelmed to play with them. There is too much choice. There is too much junk - the broken, the excessive, the repetitious. In the books...I pride myself on  an excellent selection of picture books that spans shelves and shelves and shelves. And mostly they live on the floor. There are just too many that we are threatening to permenently submerge under tidal waves of books (I will admit that I can think of worse ways to go...).

How: I have already started by sifting through the picture books in the living room. I have packed into boxes more than 2/3 of the books, leaving out classics and much adored books and ones that I think would be much adored if they ever got time. We went from 3 full shelves to a little less than one shelf. Most books I packed away, to come out again in the future. I will repeat this in the play-room, as well as on the grown-up shelves. There is at least one bookshelf in every room, except the bathroom.

As far as modifying the toy situation, I plan on sharing the ideas from Simplicity Parenting with Papa-Bug and making a plan of when and how we can reduce the toy mountain. I don't want to make a specific plan, because it needs to happen when the kids are not around. But happen it will!

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I'm feeling very inspired about simplifying the kids lives - and my life by extension. If things go the way I plan, I will have a whole series of posts about these endeavors and their results. I feel, deep in my bones, that there is too much stuff, too much drive, to much information, to much going, going, going to be a healthy adult. If I feel that way as an adult, how would it be to be a developing child? My heart shudders. So, simplification... Here we COME!!

A Potty-Training "AH HA!" Moment

I wouldn't say that Sister-Bug is potty training. She has had experience as an EC baby, using the potty consistently at about 3 months old. She went on an extended strike at 9 months that was still going on as we moved, so into diapers she went and has mostly stayed. But lately she has been showing renewed interest in her blue potty.

Coincidentally, there was this post over on Life As Mom about 10-day potty training. I gave it a read, not expecting much since Sister-Bug is only 17-months old. And there in the text was such an AH HA! A moment of clarity.

The goal isn't pee and poop in the potty as much as the goal is dryness! To quote Life as Mom to reiterate:

This was the epiphany for me: dryness is the goal. Going in the toilet is a complimentary facet, but dryness is the goal. Reward, praise, and cheer for dryness. Check for dryness often. And then offer more treats.
Help your child make the connection between going in the potty and staying dry.

 So yesterday I pulled a pair of kid underwear out - the tiniest one I could find, and popped them on Sister-Bug.

She LOVED them. And while she was wearing them - about half the day - she got almost all of her pee in the potty. Poop is a different story and involves several paper towels. But she loved the underwear. AND she told me - while wearing a diaper at the library - that she needed to pee and then made it to the restroom on time.

She lacks most of the usual signs of toilet-training readiness, but she has the most important one: an interest in the process. And that is a great place to start.

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In related contemplations, I hate the phrase potty-training. It makes it seem like the child is a trick pony or seal or something. We don't train them. We help them learn. I would love an different phrase that is also as easy to say. Ideas?