Anniversary Reflections

Eight years ago today I married my best friend. Or something like that.

Ten years ago right around this time of year we found a small house and moved in together. The monumental decision inspired by the move was whether or not we should shelve our books together, or keep them separate. Ultimately we combined our books, and with that decision our relationship subtly moved into something more committed. Our marriage began to evolve.

The evolution continued and a year later we were officially engaged, something which came as no kind of surprise to anyone who knew us. And after 2 years of living and loving and laughing, and the occasional fighting, together we stood up in front of our family and community and made it public and permanent.

But it was a slow and growing evolution, and it continues to be. Now, eight or ten years later and 2.7 kids into it, our marriage is still evolving. Our understanding of our commitment and relationship deepening and changing as we grow separately and together. That's the real marriage, the slow evolution of mutual love and agreements.

And I feel so very lucky to have such a wonderful person to grow and evolve and change with.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.

I Love To Listen To The News

Really, NPR Morning Edition to start the day is wonderful.

Except... I can't listen to it anymore. I have small kids, with big understanding, and listening ears. I stopped listening to NPR the day that Brother-Bug (almost four at the time) overheard a news segment that elaborated on brutal gang-rapes being conducted by soliders somwhere in the world. I rushed to turn off the radio, and I think (I hope) that he wasn't really listening. Before that, I had rushed to the mute button during many a segment - child soldiers, battlefield scenes, and more - that I am not ready to deconstruct for my small children.

Above and beyond what I am comfortable with as a parent, I wonder how these segments impact veterans recently returned, on an emotional hair trigger, negotiating the tricky terrian of PTSD? Or other people who are victims of violence, or just sensitive? Shouldn't we have a choice to turn off the radio if we determine it's not something we want echoing in our heads?

Last week on Fresh Air, Terry Gross warned that some of the details in an interview about the meat industry might be unappetizing. Ira Glass has a disclaimer on This American Life that acknowledges the existance of sex, put there at the request of his producers. Surely if Terry Gross has to tell us that meat farming might be gross, and Ira Glass has to aknowledge the existance of sex before airing a radio episode (which is almost always child-safe), those who produce the news should take a similar initiative and acknowledge the existance of horriffic violence. Not everyone wants to, or should, listen to those segments. NPR should not censor their news coverage. But I should have the option to stop listening if something is too violent or too sexy or too gross for my children or myself.

I would love to re-incorporate the news into my day. I would love to have Brother- and Sister-Bug exposed to some of the events happening in the wide world. But until I feel like I can keep my children's ears safe, I won't have NPR on if they are awake. Some people may think that I am being over-protective, but I think the world is scary enough without learning about child soldiers and gang rape before elementary school.

I have written comments and letters to NPR about this issue, and received no response. More than anything else, it is that lack of response that inspired me to create the attached petiton on Change.org. If anything I have written here makes sense to you, please consdier signing it - if only so that I can start my day with the new coverage that I truly miss listening to.

CLICK HERE to sign my petition and help make NPR's news coverage safe for all listeners. 

Re-Thinking TV Turn-Off Week

Inspired by our local library, we committed to turning off our TV and video (computer) games for a week. We made it through with little complaining from the kids. We nixed movies and computer time and, since we don't do much of those anyway, we hardly noticed.

But the concept of TV-Turn-Off Week is outdated and needs to be re-invented for this brave new screen-happy world. Patents work from home - on computers, phones, & iPads - and accessing of videos for work and education is normal. We have iPhones and iPads that house our communications and music, as well as games and movies and all else. In our house there is a digital picture frame. Cameras are all screen based. Brother-Bug has a hand-me-down iPod that has games on it. We have a TV, but no cable or conventional TV access. We use Netflix and library DVDs for our viewing enjoyments. These kids have seen actual commercial television maybe 2-3 times. We have no video game console, though Papa-Bug does have some games on his computer that are video game-ish. I use the computer not only for writing and work, but to also access a lot of our educational materials.

Where does this leave TV-Turn Off Week? I love the idea, but obviously it's time to re-evaluate how it fits in a world so littered with screens. When I was little we hung a sign on the TV and that was it. The computer with games like pong(!) was in Dad's home office and we just couldn't use it for the week. It didn't bother us that Dad did keep using it for work - screens weren't in such heavy use that we really thought about it.

How to explain the difference between media use as mind-dulling entertainment, a photography project, a writing project...? Kids are on computers daily in schools - how does that relate?
Can we even begin to contemplate turning off the TV when the ease of screen entertainment assails us from so many other quarters? Or an alternate view - does turning off the TV really make a big difference, when there are so many other screens we access?

Over at Adbusters, they have renamed it Digital Detox Week, and I think they have some good ideas, but it's hard to figure out a good way to relate these ideas directly to kids. Ironically, one of their ideas is based on an online video....

I've been turning this over in my head for almost two weeks now, and I don't know what the answer or balance is. Going totally screen free is not practical or possible anymore. No solution or balance has jumped out at me. Thank goodness I have a year to think it though and prepare for next year!

Simple Saturday: Knowing When To Let Go And Flow

I had several ideas of what to write today, and I was going to get started yesterday.

Then Sister-Bug fell off a chair at noon, which in itself is not too unusual. She's an adventurous one-year old. But this time she didn't bounce back. Gentle exploration of her shoulders caused shrieking and attempts to wiggle away. Her normally cherry aspect was replaced by a groggy child who didn't move when laid down, and who didn't want to eat candy corn.

After a couple hours at Urgent Care, they confirmed my suspicion of a broken clavicle. Poor little girl!

 My entire days are going to be different now. She can't climb, swim, or play unsupervised at all.

That's what a fractured toddler clavicle looks like...

She has to be watched with Brother-Bug, lest his adoring ministrations cause pain or re-injury. It takes twice as long to do her maintenance - brushing teeth, getting dressed, and so on. I'm not going to have the same kind of time to write and clean and do the things I do.


We will be devising lots of ways to keep an active, independent toddler fairly calm and entertained for at least two weeks. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

So, I'm letting go of my visions for today's blog feature, and looking at temporary re-simplifying of my life while Sister-Bug heals and we find rhythms that fit with her limitations.

All wrapped up in a clavicle support and ace bandage. She really hates her "big band-aid."

I'm deeply grateful that we have a pretty simple life that can (fairly) easily flex to support her healing - no daycare to deal with, no dual work schedule to shuffle. The worst is that we had to cancel her swim lesson, and I will be staying in a bit more than usual, because getting her in and out of her car seat is very difficult. One more win for simplicity!

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Along inspirational lines, I loved the idea is this blog post by SteadyMom that the ultimate goal of the day is Peace. She suggests putting it first on your to do list.From the post:

"At the top of your to-do list, write it - Peace.

If anything tries to threaten your goal, it gets crossed off immediately. Don't worship at the altar of busyness and allow the very heartbeat of your family to suffer.

Let me spell it out as a reminder for us all:
Laundry isn't more important than peace.
Cleaning isn't more important than peace.
Homeschooling isn't more important than peace.
The family budget isn't more important than peace."

 Isn't that just a lovely thought?

Simple Saturday: The Intro

Way back on Monday I posted about some new simplification efforts in our home, based on reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, as well as hearing what my instincts have been trying to tell me.

I want to do more than flirt with this idea. I want to change the way we do stuff, the way we live in chaos, and the things we define as important. It's a tall order, and I don't think that last sentence was quite was quite as articulate as I would like.

Because I want a place to be accountable in this new parenting and housekeeping adventure (and because I really, really love alliterations), my plan is to detail these attempts at simplification here on Simple Saturday.

Here's an overview of some of the upcoming adventures here at Chez Simple:

*How we go about paring down the toys and books, and what the results of that are. As I write this, I hear Papa-Bug having the daily battle with Brother-Bug to pick up the morass of toys that creeps ever-spreading across the floor. There is just too much stuff to feel anything but overwhelmed when we think about picking up. And I'm a grown-up - how overwhelming it must be for a kid!

*Talking to grandparents, god-parents, and other family members about this change and how they can support us (mostly by not buying us stuff). Can we do it tactfully? I wonder if the gift-givers will join us joyfully in our mission, or if I will be seen as an over-sensitive, controlling parent. Either way is okay with me, though I would prefer the former...

*Reports of how we have reduced or changed our relationships to media and technology and how that is working out for us.

*How simplification is affecting the relationships in our happy home.

*Reviews of books and blogs and other tools we use or explore.

And probably so much more!

I'm really looking forward to the future and the changes. Does any one out there want to join me in clearing and simplifying? What are your adventures? What is your advice?

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The sailboat at the top is courtesy of Sister-Bug who climbed on my lap while I was writing, insisting that this post needed a "big boat". What a clown she is.

Mindful Monday: Simplify, Simplify

Right now I am in the middle of reading Simplicity Parenting. Likely I will be posting a review and my personal thoughts on it soon. Until then, let me just say that the messages of Kim John Payne are really resonating with me, and backing up some ideas I already have had, leading where my instincts tell me to go.

When we moved I initiated a toy library/bank. I put about 1/4 or so of the kids toys in a big bin, intending to switch out toys as they looked for the missing toys or wanted something new.

To my surprise everyone, including me, forgot about the bin until recently. So far I am the only one who has remembered. I haven't mentioned it to the kids. Their room is so full of stuff that they haven't even noticed the missing toys.

This Monday I am committing to doing some of the reduction and clean out recommended by Payne in his book.

Who: Family-wide, everyone gets to play! (I'll be the one doing the majrity of the grunt work, however...)

What: Clean out and simplify the books, make a toy-simplification plan.

Why: Brother-Bug has so many books and toys that he is often too overwhelmed to play with them. There is too much choice. There is too much junk - the broken, the excessive, the repetitious. In the books...I pride myself on  an excellent selection of picture books that spans shelves and shelves and shelves. And mostly they live on the floor. There are just too many that we are threatening to permenently submerge under tidal waves of books (I will admit that I can think of worse ways to go...).

How: I have already started by sifting through the picture books in the living room. I have packed into boxes more than 2/3 of the books, leaving out classics and much adored books and ones that I think would be much adored if they ever got time. We went from 3 full shelves to a little less than one shelf. Most books I packed away, to come out again in the future. I will repeat this in the play-room, as well as on the grown-up shelves. There is at least one bookshelf in every room, except the bathroom.

As far as modifying the toy situation, I plan on sharing the ideas from Simplicity Parenting with Papa-Bug and making a plan of when and how we can reduce the toy mountain. I don't want to make a specific plan, because it needs to happen when the kids are not around. But happen it will!

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I'm feeling very inspired about simplifying the kids lives - and my life by extension. If things go the way I plan, I will have a whole series of posts about these endeavors and their results. I feel, deep in my bones, that there is too much stuff, too much drive, to much information, to much going, going, going to be a healthy adult. If I feel that way as an adult, how would it be to be a developing child? My heart shudders. So, simplification... Here we COME!!