Home Birthing

There are plenty of people in this world who wonder at my deep commitment to having my babies at home. They question the safety and comfort, and sometimes my sanity.

As I wrote in this post, I was privileged to attend my mom's two home births; the hospital as a 'normal' place to birth didn't really occur to me. Additionally, in my late teens I developed a close relationship with a woman who was, and is, an outstanding midwife. She has been my midwife through this pregnancy, both my other pregnancies and home births (you can read Brother-Bug's story here), a couple of early term miscarriages, and continues to be a force of love and support as my kids grow. But besides this early education, I have my own reasons I have my babies at home, and I thought I would share.

While birth can become a medical event, I believe that a healthy birth is pretty much non-medical and should be treated as a family event instead of a medical situation. I trust my body and my midwife to be aware of the situations that would lead us to seek hospital assistance, and much like my position on ultrasound, I would transport to the hospital if my midwife, my body, or the baby, told me that transport was the best plan.

I want to decide who is with me during each passage and who helps me welcome the baby to our family. This includes siblings (not allowed in hospital delivery rooms usually), my husband, my sister, and a close friend or two to help the kids - and our midwife. It does not include strange nurses, a doctor I've potentially never met, or any other hospital staff. This is the most amazing and intimate thing I am ever going to do with my body; this is the most vulnerable I will ever be. I don't want to share it with just anyone. And that's just during the birth! After the birth there are nurses that have to bathe my baby, test it, photograph it, and poke and prod me and my knitting body.

At home, the midwife and all other non-immediate family members leave the room once the baby is out and obviously well. We just sit in bliss with our baby from somewhere between a half-hour and eternity - time is irrelevant. Eventually the birth team returns to clean things up, help me deliver my placenta, see that the baby nurses well, and check its vitals. We don't bathe the babe for several days, letting its skin gradually sluff off vernix while loving that fresh-baby smell. Papa-Bug holds our baby skin-to-skin while my sister washes my aching and exhausted body in the shower. We sleep naked with baby on my chest, still a part of each others' breathing and heartbeats. Siblings cuddle parents and support people, we all marvel at the details of a newborn, everyone takes candid pictures. Soon after the birth - 2-3 hours maybe - everyone goes home and a magical post-birth stillness descends on our home. We have time and deep peace to get to know our new person; to watch our family structure stretch and change.

I believe that babies need the minimal amount of stimulation and interaction during their first days. Except for our midwife doing important baby-wellness checks, no one touches or holds our baby except for Mama, Papa, and Siblings for the first several days. We never pass a baby from stranger to stranger (because even if you are a grandparent or bestest friend, you are still a completely strange situation to a newborn), respecting a time of adjustment for both Baby and Mama.  We have no visitors besides the people who attended the birth for several days. It's just US, extending that post-birth time until we are ready to open up. We can't know a newborn's perspective on things, but I try to think about what each new experience might be like for this being, and we adjust our behaviors to encourage comfort for this new person. Slowly family begins to hold baby for short times, with us watching for its communications that it is looking for Mama/Papa/Boob.

Besides that, I know that home birth is safer for me. I'm an introvert. I dislike strange situations and interacting with strange people. I tend to shut down in these situations, going on a polite auto-pilot until I feel safe or return to my place. This is not a good thing to do if you are giving birth - nor a good thing to have to override during the intensity of helping a person into this world. I want to feel safe - physically, emotionally, spiritually - and I do that best at home. The very idea of getting in a car when contractions are rocking my body seems insane. There are lots of statistics and studies done on the safety of home birth, and you can look those up. It is statistically safer provided that you've made the decision to stay home, gotten good support from a knowledgeable person, and are prepared for the adventure.

Women birth in all positions, making all kinds of noises. Myself, I seem to like hands and knees and lots of lion-esque roars. I prefer my bedroom, but have found that I like to be in different areas early on in labor. I don't like people to touch me much, I don't want to be forced to eat or drink or rest (unless things are going on and on and its for my & baby's well-being), I don't want to be confined to a single room or position - especially one based on a monitor's best position. At home, I am free to find the most comfortable postions, make as much noise as I want, use whatever space I want, and generally go deeply into my experience with the level of interaction from other people that is right for me. The people with me know me very well, have known me for many years, and can be flexible with my needs in each moment.

These are my reasons for home birthing, and what works for me might not work for everyone or anyone else. I think the most essential aspect of home birth - or any other birth - is that it comes from a place of informed choice. I don't think everyone should default to hospital/doctor assisted birth OR home/midwife assisted birth. I fundamentally believe that babies will come best when the mama feels good about her situation and is able to labor and birth with support, as opposed to falling into a decision based on assumptions or pressure.

Birth is radical and wonderful. I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to the deep, aching pull of contractions that are coming in a couple months... But at the same time, I kind of am. It's an amazing experience and I feel so lucky to have had that experience twice, in my own time, way, and space.

Why No Ultrasounds?

I have never had an ultrasound during a pregnancy. Happily, my babes have so far grown perfectly without any need to check and make sure that they are okay. I have nothing against someone else having an ultrasound for whatever reasons they deem fit, but they just aren't for me.

I would have an ultrasound if the health and well-being of me or the baby were in question and I wouldn't hesitate. I am fully in support of using the magic of technology and modern medicine to prevent problems and save lives. In this writing I am considering only the routine ultrasounds done throughout a pregnancy.

There are a number of questions surrounding routine ultrasound, and you can read about them in Mothering's article here, if you are interested. I'm writing about why I don't ultrasound my pregnancies.

My superficial hesitation - those ultrasound images are kind of creepy and alien. The images of the standard ultrasound are odd enough, but the newer 3-D images look to me like someone has tried to sculpt Winston Churchill out of pudding and failed...I don't really want that to be a "first" visual of my baby.

Sister-Bug has a cuddle, hoping to be kicked in the head. 

I've been surprised at every pregnancy the amount of judgement extended to a family who chooses not to find out the baby's gender. You, random stranger in the grocery store, need to know the gender of my baby for what reason? We should know the gender so we...know what to buy? Additional judgement is extended when it's revealed that we don't have any ultrasounds, with or without gender. It's as though I am intentionally endangering my baby because of sheer pig-headedness, as though I'm a bad parent for not counting the baby's fingers and toes before it joins my reality.
I marvel as my belly grows each time. I wonder if it's a boy or girl...but even more I wonder what idiosyncrasies, what personality quirks and traits have manifested as this baby grows inside me. I wonder if it will have a secret dimple like it's sister, or the funny ribs that Brother-Bug inherited from me. These things won't be revealed by an ultrasound, and I wouldn't want them to be.

We do use an ultrasound doppler with our midwife to hear the baby's heartbeat, and without fail all three babies have, as soon as they were big enough, moved away from it's waves, deeper into my cavities. They don't like it (how I can tell they don't like it is a topic for another post). The doppler is a very low-level wave, much lower than the wave needed to see the outlines of a baby. If my babies don't like this little wave, if we can tell that they are distressed by it, how much more might they be distressed by the larger sonics of a visual ultrasound?

But ultimately what it comes down to is this: My body has made this dark and protected cave in which my baby takes its first movements, begins its heartbeats, and turns to the gentle stimuli that come through the layers of my skin and muscle. It is the quintessence of private and intimate. The idea of ultrasound penetrating this privacy just doesn't work for me; it violates something sacred.

There are lots of people in the world for whom ultrasound is an important part of their journey through pregnancy, and I applaud their decision and ability to choose what is right for their body and baby. But it's not a route I plan on taking - for a third time around.

A Tandem Nursing Story

Happy World Breastfeeding Week! Nursing a baby is magical - that the food I eat turns to rich milk, that my beautiful children thrive from that milk... It's really special. There is nothing like a baby or child looking up into your eyes as they nurse. That is beyond really special.

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I want to talk about Tandem Nursing.

What? Is that like extreme nursing on a tandem bike or something?

The definition of Tandem Nursing is nursing two kids at the same time. A mother of twins might be a tandem nurser. A mother who has one older nurseling and a new nursing baby is a tandem nurser. And so on. Tandem Nursing is somewhat controversial, especially in this culture that frequently frowns upon nursing past a year (despite the recommendations from the AAP and WHO). Nursing two (or more...some moms nurse more!) children, when one is able to sustain themselves with solid food is a whole other kind of cultural taboo.

Before we delve into Tandem Nursing, I want to talk a little bit about Extended Nursing - or nursing into the toddler or preschooler years. Nursing is not a mere mechanical food delivery system; babies and children nurse for food, for medicine, for comfort, for connection, and because it's really good stuff. There is a dance and relationship that develops between baby and mother. The choice to nurse a child is deeply personal, and the length of time that a mother chooses to nurse is also deeply personal. Because it is a relationship between two people, the choice to end or change that relationship must happen between those two people. It's not my doctor's business how long I nurse (barring some extreme medical situations), and likewise it's not relevant to my friends, family, or strangers on the bus. People can and will share their opinions with me, but at the end of the day the decision has to be between the two people in the relationship. Nursing should stop when either party in the relationship is done. If the child no longer wants to nurse - Done. If nursing is too much for the mother - Done. If the dentist says nursing past a year is highly questionable - Find a New Dentist. You wouldn't let your dentist decide if you should break up your relationship with your partner, or stop speaking to your best friend, right?


On to Tandem Nursing.

When Brother-Bug was almost three, I found out I was pregnant with the being who would come to be Sister-Bug. Brother-Bug was nursing 4-ish times a day and I still cherished that time with him. It felt especially important as I contemplated sharing myself bewteen two kids - it was a time to relish my first child and the ability I had for those years to lavish attention on him without distraction. And he didn't want to stop nursing anyway. So we didn't. We talked to our midwife, did some reading, and decided to take it one day at a time. At any point I might have been done, and we would have helped Brother-Bug with the transition to not nursing.

Eventually, Brother-Bug learned to curl his body around my growing belly, and we explored different nursing positions. He would pat and rub the belly while he nursed. I gave him more of a schedule of nursing times (waking up, nap time, going to bed) and we talked about how the baby would get to nurse whenever.

It wasn't all blissful. Brother-Bug's initial latch-on hurt my pregnancy-sensitized nipples. But it only hurt for a minute and it was something I decided I could live with. I gritted my teeth for the latch moment and breathed through it. It passed fairly quickly, and stopped almost entirely somewhere in my second trimester.

Eventually, Sister-Bug made her way into the world. Brother-Bug was present at her birth. When she was about half an hour old it was time for her first attempt at nursing. She latched on my left, Brother-Bug latched on my right, sitting next to me. I looked down at my two beautiful babes and Brother-Bug reached his arm to wrap it around his new sister, gently stroking her back as they nursed together. That one moment was worth every painful latch I experienced.

Sister-Bug is about 6 hours old here. I love the smile in Brother-Bug's eyes.

As they grew together they would hold hands while they nursed, smile at each other, and connect while piled up on me. There were a few moments in which I felt overwhemed, under my two nurslings, but for the most part it was wonderful. Brother-Bug had a very easy adjustment to being the older of two and I attribute some of it to Tandem Nursing - that they could share this special relationship helped him understand the link between he and his sister. I loved having an extra tummy when I was just making too much milk - he was always happy to help take some of the pressure off! As he grew, his nursing slacked off, and just before Sister-Bug turned one, I asked him to be done nursing. He wasn't remembering to nurse and then feeling frustrated because he had missed it. His brain still wanted it sometimes, but the rest of him had grown out of nursing. He had a last nurse, we celebrated with ice cream, and I continued to enjoy nursing Sister-Bug.

Fast forward to Sister-Bug's second birthday. I was newly pregnant with the current Fetus-Bug. Still nursing. Again, we are taking it one day at a time. Sister-Bug is a LOT less committed to nursing. Sometimes she skips whole days and doesn't even notice. But we are still nursing and I plan on doing so until she is done...or I am done. I won't be surprised if she stops nursing before this new baby is born. Latching on is still uncomfortable, but I know that it's worth it for me. I treasure these moments when I can right the wrongs in her world so easily; the moments where she snuggles up to me, gazing up as we nurse. She will be a big girl so soon. I'm watching curiously to see where she goes and when she stops. The differences between my children fascinates me.

===

Tandem Nursing will not work for every mother. Some women have intense nipple and breast pain and must stop nursing. Some just don't want to keep nursing. And they shouldn't. Every woman's experience of nursing is different and should be supported and honored. If it's something you are considering, check out these sites:

La Leche League - Tandem Nursing : A great list of all their posts and links to Tandem Information

Breastfeeding Basics - Tandem Nursing : A very informative FAQ

Also buy yourself a copy of Adventures in Tandem Nursing, by Hilary Flowers. Good stuff there, and an invaluable reference to flip though as you nurse...and nurse...and nurse...

I've loved almost every moment of my Tandem Nursing experiences so far. If Sister-Bug does entirely wean herself before the baby is born, I will feel a little sad not to see that relationship develop as the baby sits on her lap while they nurse together. I love the way my arms and body encompass my children and feed them.

It's the best magic I can do. 

A Little Pregnancy Post

I'm 17-ish weeks pregnant with my little new one. Things are going well, growing as they should, and evolving nicely. Baby-Bug can hear a little, and seems to be something of a kick-boxer. We have had two prenatals with our midwife - the same midwife who was present for the delivery of the Little-Bugs - and have heard a strong heartbeat both times. It's nice to know that Baby has a circulatory system!

I thought an peek into my style of pregnancy might be fun...

*We do no internal investigations. No ultrasounds, no tests, nothing that invades the baby's special space. We would do these things if the midwife or my intuition suggested that it might be important for my and the baby's safety. But as things are progressing normally, we see no reason to fuss this very busy little individual. Baby knows what it's doing and we're trusting the process.


*We are planning to have a homebirth. I will write a longer post about chosing homebirth sometime in the near future, as well as sharing Brother & Sister-Bug's birth stories. We will transport to a hospital if the midwife or my intuition recognizes that as the safest option, but with two wonderful and successful homebirths behind me, I am confident in my body's ability to do this thing.


*Brother-Bug and Sister-Bug will attend the birth, with loving support from a couple key members of friends and family to care for them. I deeply believe that the presence of siblings at births makes the birth a normal part of their lives and the expansion of their family. I loved having Brother-Bug present for Sister-Bug's birth, and now I am delighted as he shows his sister the ropes - explaining the prenatal process to her, telling her it might be loud while I'm having contractions, and generally supporting her. He is owning his knowledge and that is awesome.


*I am still nursing Sister-Bug and will continue to nurse her and the new baby. I am, in fact, nursing while I type this post. This is called Tandem Nursing. Brother-Bug nursed till Sister was almost one. It's a wonderful way to teach sharing, and the connections that they had early on (holding hands while nursing) were magical. There will be a longer post about Tandem Nursing coming soon.

Those are the essential points. Some of them are considered controversial by some people. I'm not writing this to cast judgements on those who make different choices than me, and I hope you keep any judgements you make to yourself. These are choices that work for our family.

And now that the interminable morning-noon-and-nighttime sickeness is done, I'm looking forward to growing bigger and loving the many adventures that each pregnancy brings with it.

Wordless Wednesday: So. Very. Sleepy.

(This is...was...one of my favorite features, making me look for images throughout the week. I'm bringing it back.)

"I wish I could take a quiet corner in the heart of my baby's very
own world." Rabindranath Tagore

Nursing On Demand or Nursing By Desire?

I love this recent blog post from Nurshable. It resonates so very deeply. As I move toward nursing my third child (while still nursing my second) I am still stunned by the look in my daughter's eyes when she gazes at me while we nurse. There is so much love and trust there. I would not trade that for anything.

Me and my kids - tandem nursing on Sister-Bug's first day. Brother on the bottom, Sister on the top.

I've been thinking about the term "On Demand Nursing" and I don't like it. A Google search defines demand as:

de·mand/diˈmand/

Noun:	An insistent and peremptory request, made as if by right.
Verb:	Ask authoritatively or brusquely

Certainly as a nursing mom I've experienced demands from both my children, but our nursing relationship is much deeper than that. "On Demand" implies that I am held to the whims of a tiny tyrant, that I have little choice in the matter. But we need a new phrase - one that connotates the positive action of meeting our baby/toddler/child's needs because we have the desire to be the best mother we can be. A similar Google search defines desire as:

de·sire/dəˈzī(ə)r/

Noun:	A strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
Verb:	Strongly wish for or want (something).

That's more the kind of word I'm looking for.

Desire is a good thing. Desire motivates us to seek out satiation. Often we share our desires with others, especially those we love deeply. I chose to nurse this way because I desired this amazing closeness with my children. I chose this because my understanding and experience led me to the decision that this is best for both of us and, like all parents, I desire to do what is best for my family.

Sometimes, as babies grow to toddlers, I say "No. I can't nurse this minute." And we discuss when we will settle and nurse. There are two (sometimes more) people in the equation, with unique needs, demands, and desires. I honor the building and unfolding of that nursing relationship. My desire is to aid and support it to the best of my ability.

Much as I reject the designation of "Human Pacifier", I will no longer practice "On Demand Nursing". I'm changing it. My kids and I will Nurse By Desire.

And...We're Back!

I didn't really mean to take that break during the past month. But that's the way it went and I'm here to tell you that there will probably be other random breaks coming up in the next year.

We are expecting a Baby-Bug will join our family sometime around Thanksgiving.

For the past month I have been nauseated during all waking hours, as well as completely drained of all my energy. As I know from my other two pregnancies, the first trimester is really hard on me. It's been enough to keep up with my Little-Bugs and do a dish or two...let alone find any mental reserves for writing,

However, there are a number of pregnancy related posts floating around in my head, and hopefully a few of them will make it onto this blog.

And of course, eventually, baby pictures!

A Co-Sleeping Family

Clearly these two beauties were made for snuggling.

Honestly, we never meant to co-sleep with our kids. Our babies, definitely. But I envisioned toddler years when we would lovingly move our child into a toddler bed, reclaiming our bedroom for our adult lives. I envisioned a preschooler joining us in bed in the mornings, cuddling down between us for a quick connection before we got up.

And when I was pregnant with Sister-Bug we made all attempts to move Brother-Bug into his own bed. It lasted about... 3 months and then he was right back in with us, limbs wrapped around the nearest parent. Now, at 5 1/2, he has no more notion of sleeping in his own bed than he did as an infant.

This works for our family.

Co-sleeping might not work for all families. I am blessed with a co-sleeping history (me, 2 parents, 3 siblings, one bed...cuddles which lasted into my early teens) and value the physical comfort I still have with my siblings, a comfort that I attribute partially to co-sleeping. Papa-Bug and I both love to snuggle, and neither kid is given to overmuch kicking and flailing. We have a big bed.

This picture might not work for your family, and the idea of sleeping with your child (or even teenager!) makes a lot of people uncomfortable. That's okay. I don't need anyone to be comfortable with our sleeping arrangements except for us in this bed.

There are drawbacks, but they are few and far-between. My co-sleeping toddler still wants and needs me when she goes to sleep - nap or otherwise - and so I find myself laying down in bed when I might be doing other things. It forces my sweetheart and I to get creative about intimacy - and this is something that worries lots of people. But hey - it's my romance and not your business. We will leave it there. But the drawbacks are far outweighed by the benefits...

There are lots of reasons we love co-sleeping, and I thought I would share some of the reasons I didn't fully think about when we started our snuggling adventure.

Tired Papa and his Little Fairy

*Its easy with a newborn. Tiny babies are notorious for keeping their parents going around the clock. But if I am curled up in bed with my baby in the crook of my arm, I can doze while they nurse, contemplate the heavens, or whatever else it is they do in the night. I firmly believe that my newborn is safer next to me than in a crib. I can feel and respond to sleep changes at a moments notice. Baby can hear my heartbeat and my breathing, and continue to learn these things from me if reminders are needed. I am aware of this person, even in my deepest sleep.

But what about rolling onto the baby? someone always asks. Well, I did that. We were visiting my Dad with 9-week old Brother-Bug. The bed was on a slight angle toward the baby's side. I was exhausted and on a three hour jet-lag, which changed how deeply I was asleep. Gravity pulled me over onto the baby. As it turns out, even a sleeping baby doesn't like to be squished! It turns out that I wake up when I roll into a squirming 9 pound bump in the bed. No harm done. Lesson learned.

(Of course, if you or someone in your bed is under a sedative influence - alcohol, sleep medication, etcetera, this is a different equation and the baby should not be near that person. The other side of the non-influenced parent or it's own bed near the adult bed is safe.)

After a few months of Brother-Bug sleeping and nursing through the nights I stopped fully waking to nurse him. We would switch sides, adjust, comfortably latch, and fall back asleep. Same deal with changing diapers, and later helping Sister-Bug pee in the potty during the night - all things I did in a state of semi-slumber, hardly breaking my sleep cycle.


*Babies sleep through the night sooner I believe, because they aren't getting woken up and removed from their bed to eat at various intervals. While they are learning their circadian rhythm, they don't know that it's time to sleep when it is dark. So once you get them out of bed they are ready to play. If they stir, and go right back to nursing, they learn quickly to sleep when it is dark.

*It's easier and safer when a baby or child is sick. If I sleep skin-to-skin with a feverish baby, I can

Me and the fat Sister-Bug - newborn napping.

monitor their fever while I doze (I never sleep fully if my baby or kid is sick). I can keep them comfortable. They don't choke on their vomit because I am right there to help them with Mt. Vesuvius. I've been known to get a toddler pointing off the bed to barf on the floor when both of us were asleep at first gurgle - so honed are my Mama-reflexes from sleeping with my babies. If my kids were in their own beds we would be up and down all night while we checked on them. I wouldn't always be there to catch the vomit and reassure a scared and uncomfortable little person immediately. I wouldn't know if a fever suddenly spiked. And I wouldn't get nearly as much rest, which keeps me healthy and makes me less likely to get sick.


*Likewise, we are there for immediate nightmare relief. No wailing child in the night - we are able to gently guide them back to reality and settle them safe in our arms where all is cozy.

*We have less night-time potty accidents because we can respond to the movements our kids make when they need to pee. They learn from our awareness and they quickly get to a point of meeting that need for themselves (often with a parent to go with) in the night.


And the most important thing.

*They are little, ours to snuggle close, for such a precious and short time. We watch them sleep, we hold them safe and close, we listen to their dreams, and marvel at how long their limbs have grown. I spend about a third of the hours in a day cuddled with my children in our big bed. We rest out bodies and brains and re-connect our spirits. We reach out for one another in our sleep, trusting that Love is right there.

Someday I will revel in a bed of just me and my husband, or even (!) just me. But right now I am laying down nursing my daughter, looking forward to a warm little boy who will snuggle me up while I read the next chapter of The Wind In The Willows to us. And I can't imagine anywhere else I would rather be.

===

Read my recent Cowbird Story about the Magical Giggle - the story that inspired this post. 

And there he will cuddle all night.

Those Other Mothers

Look at the time - it's early in the morning or late at night... Sister-Bug has been up all night with a nasty tummy something. The poor little thing wakes up in agony every few minutes to shriek and writhe.

(I have thoroughly checked her and ruled out the need for immediate medical care... I'm guessing a very bad gas bubble.)

It was a long day today, visiting my sister in California and adventuring around her haunts. We aren't in our own bed, which makes this harder. And every few minutes I must be ON. On for crooning and tummy rubs and sitting up rocking, or anything else that eases this baby's discomfort.

And I do it.

It's very zen. We are here and now doing this because there is nothing else to be done.

It is nights like this that I feel the Other Mothers. These are the mothers that span time and place. Mothers of ancient Sumeria or present day Finland. Pioneer mothers or exiled queens. My ancestors, and any other mother who has sat up with a sick child, all night long, dredging compassion and patience and one more lullaby from the depth of her weary being.

I feel their hands on my back when I want to lay down, but must remain sitting. I feel their hands gently over my mouth when I want to scream with tired frustration. I feel their love pouring over me, enabling me to continue pouring love over my child.

I am so grateful for those other mothers - the ones who have sat up in the past and the ones who are sitting up tonight. And I hope, someday, my spirit can fly to a future mother as she sits rocking all night long.

Sister-Bug and Elimination Communication

*Elimination Communication is about helping our little ones use the potty from infancy, because we believe that they can, given the opportunity, communicate these needs with their care givers. 

We started out her infancy without (with few) diapers, potty at the ready. I believed, really believed we could make the Elimination Communication thing work. And once we were into the stride of parenting two kids, it seemed to be going fine. We got used to changing our pants and hers.

There was something so magical about communicating that closely with such a tiny creature. As she learned to sit up, and could hold herself on her own potty, I looked forward to putting away the diapers. At six months, at least 70% of her daytime pees, and all her poops made it into the potty/toilet/sink/grass. She started to have dry nights - squirming to wake me once or twice to pee in our sleep. I would haul the potty up onto the bed, she would pee, we'd go back to sleep. I'm pretty sure I completely slept through that process many times.

Reading on the potty at 8 months... right before the Strike.

Then, around nine months, she went on a strike. I laughed and wiped up the pee. Several weeks later I sighed and wiped up the poop. Dry nights stopped. Potty wiggles stopped. Communication on her end ceased. I did some checking around and found that it is normal and that most kids sort it out around ten months. No problem there.

She was still striking at eleven months. Not only was she refusing to pee in the potty, but... When I would sense she needed to pee I would pop her onto the potty or over a convenient receptacle. We'd sing and laugh and relax, enjoy ourselves, and Not Pee. So I would take her off the potty, she would look at me, and pee. Smart little twerp, right?

Added to that, we were moving during those couple of months. Into diapers she went.

My personal theory was that I should approach EC as a game and if I didn't want to play the game, I shouldn't. I was sick of the obviously intentional pee-on-Mama wrinkle she was experimenting with. I stopped playing.

If we hadn't been moving, I probably would have played somewhat differently. It's hard to say. But regardless, she went into full time diapers. And there she stayed until the summer. As it warmed up and we took our layers off, I made the potty available. I gave her gummy bears if she peed or pooped in the potty. She started to show interest - more in using the potty than in the treat which was encouraging.

It's been up and down since them. She loves her underwear. She switched to wearing diapers about half her waking hours through the fall. When she was in undies, about half her pee and poop were making it into the potty. Sometimes she would remember that I owe her a gummy bear. Often I would sigh and clean up the floor, pants, sheets...

She chooses each morning if we are doing diapers or undies. Yesterday undies (but only the frog ones) and today a diaper. We often switch mid day. And I let her know, when we have to get out a diaper, that it is usually because my mind isn't able to keep up with her. I encourage her to check for dry pants.

And she pees her dolls in her little potty, holding them over it and making her cue noise. It's adorable.

In the last two weeks, even with the Holiday Mayhem, I think she has been in three diapers during the day. She has peed on the floor maybe twice. She has been catching her own pee and poop, letting me know when she needs to go, and getting to the potty.

Last week she stopped using the little Bjorn potty and will only "pee big girl potty". Also, she likes privacy and has taken on pulling her own pants up. It's all her. I was here to support her toward this independence and I think that the early EC work we did with her has made a big difference in her ability to comfortably navigate the needs of her body.

So that is my experience with EC. I'll try it with the next kid too (when it shows up eventually), though not a rigorously as I did with Sister-Bug. I'm learning more relaxation around my expectations of myself as a parent. Some of that learning I got from EC.

I still see it as a game, and I love that my 21 month old is ready, on her own steam, to put her diapers away.

Wordless Wednesday: How To Do Dishes With A Cranky Toddler

Put her in the sink!

Wordless Wednesday: My Nursing Career

First nursing day ever.

 I know it's supposed to be "Wordless", but I want to preface today by saying that it has been National Breastfeeding Month all August. To celebrate, on this last Wednesday of August, here are pictures of me nursing my little ones.

I have been nursing for just under 5 years. Ten and a half months I nursed both kids at once. It's magical and special and amazing. I feel so blessed that my babies have grown healthy and strong with what my body can make.

Mama Faery nurses Baby-Faery (Brother-Bug)

Brother-Bug and I review a picture book with my mom.

Brother and Sister-Bugs latch together on Sister's first morning with us.

Little Sister enjoys a solo nosh.

Sister on Brother on Mama! Everyone eats.

This is a favorite moment. Sister-Bug is a day old. She is laying on Brother-Bug who has his arm wrapped around her in a cuddle. Talk about sweet memories.

Wordless Wednesday: Tie-Dye Hat

Wordless Wednesday: Tye-Dye Shirt

In our summer yard. Just thinking.

Wordless Wednesday: One Year Ago Right Now

Once upon a time she was so small.

(My phone doesn't want to send pictures in any decent resolution, so while I figure out that issue I am using old favorite photos.)

Daddy's Girl

Brother-Bug was (is) disinclined to interact with a whole lot of people. He was never much of a one to go find his Papa, especially if it meant squirming off my comfy lap.

Sister-Bug is so different in that way. Even in her early morning haze, she was off my lap and in her Papa's arms right away (well... after a nice cuddle and nurse). Obviously someone has to help make breakfast!
And heaven help us if he doesn't pick her up first thing when he walks in the door after work.

That feels good to Papa-Bug. And watching them have such a sweet bond feels so good to me!