A Co-Sleeping Story

The Little-Bugs and I have been visiting Brother-Bug's Godmommies over the holiday weekend. On our last night there, he decided to have a sleep over with his Godmommies, cuddling up in their bed instead of the bed that he was sharing with Sister-Bug and I. This is common - he loves them so, and since we see them only a few times a year we try to fill him up with as much Godmommie time and love as possible!

Sister-Bug was upset that she didn't get to have a sleep over too. Sad face! I offered her the option of having a special Mama sleep over, just the two of us, or making her a bed for her very own self on the floor. She chose her own bed on the floor. I folded a comfortor into a sleeping bag shape and she tucked herself in. She fell asleep, on her own, a few minutes later.

Cozied up...she looks so little to me, to be sleeping all by herself...but that's my bias.

I think it has been close to six years since I had a bed all to myself at night.

I wish I could say I fell asleep reveling in the freedom to shift to any comfortable position, unhindered by son, daughter, husband, dog, or cat. But without those anchors that give my sleep definiton, I was restless. I kept waking, confused by the lack of bodies. Sister-Bug slept for about two hours on her own and when she called me, I chose to pull her into bed with me so that I could get some solid rest. I wrapped my arms around her sweaty toddler self and finally fell deeply asleep.

Co-sleeping is really important to our family. I relish these years that my children want to be close to me. I treasure the moments when dimpled arms reach out to make sure I am still there. I adore how they shift in their sleep to find me, knowing I'm not ever far away. I know that soon they will be independant and lanky teenagers, or even their own adults in beds far from mine, so I soak up every night that I share with them.

But co-sleeping is not as important to me as respecting my child's right to their own space, and their ability to make good decisions for themselves. There has been a lot of chatter about Attachment Parenting recently, both good and bad. If you've read my blog at all, you know that I'm pretty attached and I like it that way. It works for us.

In my heart of hearts, this decision process - the offering of options, supporting choice, listening to needs - is the very essence of attachment parenting. And last night, Sister-Bug showed a perfect example of a Securely Attached Child: she made a choice, having faith in its rightness for her, sure that she would be cared for if she needed care. She felt loved and attached all night long, alone in her floor-bed or cuddled up with me in the wee hours. My Attachment relationship with her contributed greately to her ability to confindently make that choice.

None of my kids will sleep with me forever, but I am happy to know that they will choose when to move on from my sides when it is right for them.

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Update:
Last night after posting this, Sister-bug requested that we make her a bed for herself. We did, but exhausted after a long travel day, she fell asleep in my arms and I put her to bed with us. I woke her up to pee at about 3:00 and in her stupor she insisted on her own bed. She slept there till 6:30, when she happily got herself up and came to find me.

Introducing Mindful Mondays

What can I say? I'm such a sucker for alteration - Wordless Wednesday, Mindful Monday... I love the way it rolls around in my brain. Anyway... I digress before I even begin.

Over at The Happiest Mom, Meagan Francis posted last week that she was setting intentions on Mondays and invited everyone to join in. This is inspirational to me - mindfulness, intentions, and resolutions work really well for me and I like the idea of checking back in at the end of the week and see how I did. The original post is here, and I think that instead of quoting it, I will suggest you check out that awesome blog and read it there.

I will leap forward in to my Mindful Monday Intention.

• WHO: Me and Brother-Bug
  
• WHAT: Bedtime Check-In
  
• WHY: I get tired and cranky and am often deep in my book when the little guy crawls into bed. I don't really want to be bothered, but there he is needing cuddles. By this point I have already cuddled his sister to sleep and if I am still awake, like I said, I'm trying for a shadow of "Me Time". But I know I am losing something precious when I just get him to lay quietly and sleep without a lot of interaction from me. Also, Brother-Bug is really good at focusing on the negative, and I hope that a positive check in with me helps him focus on what was good about the day, so that he can drift off in a loved and happy space.
• HOW: When he comes to bed I will put down my book, give him a cuddle (as much as the nursling allows), and ask him what his three best things of the day were. I will tell him my three best things - trying to make one always be about him and how much I love spending time with him. We may then read a chapter of our book, watch some T.V., or read quietly to ourselves... but not without the Three-Happy-Things Check In.

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That's it. Consider that intention set.