Simple Saturday: Contemplating Technology

I have no easy thoughts today. Technology is a bear in our house. At once we feel there is too much (computers, iPhones, television...) and not enough (it would be nice to have an internet movie streaming box, or a DVD player, or better speakers...should the kids have their own iPod in their play room???). And this, as much if not more than any other place, is where Papa-Bug and I disagree. I want to err on the side of too little technology in our kids lives. He wants to give them more access than I feel is good for them.

Kim John Payne argues that about seven-years old is when a kid is old enough to use screen media. Based on the little I know about emotional and mental development and perparadness, I think he is probably right.

But.

But I have an iPhone, and the kids see me use it. But the pictures of their cousins are all online, along with videos, and I want them to feel connected to the far-away members of their families. But the internet is full of amazing resources for the homeschooling child.

Here is what technology use looks like in our house right now:


Family Movie Night on Friday night - this is a recent institution, to try and pull back from a more erratic schedule and make our TV viewing more intentional and less about parents being too tired to handle bedtime.


Television or Movie on Tuesday night - I get home from work with just enough time (sometimes) to scarf some dinner before bedtime. It's the only night I work outside this home, and it really confuses our evening schedule. Additionally, I am blitzed when I get home so unwinding with the TV Box helps me a lot.


Brother-Bug gets 30 minutes of computer time a day, his discretion - he has a log in and desktop with internet links to his favorite (and parent approved) sites. He uses it up first thing in the morning and knows that is all there is. Since setting this up, we have had much less begging and whining. He whines just a little when he gets logged off at the 30-minute mark.


iPhone use for Brother -Bug at parental discretion - I keep only educational apps on my phone. Papa-Bug has a slightly wider selection. We try to save iPhone play for Brother-Bug for times we need quiet or patience, or when it's a special treat. If he asks and we say NO, that's it. Whining and begging for iPhone uses loses future opportunities to play with the magical technical device.

Sometimes there is more screen time than "scheduled" - looking at pictures or finding relevant YouTube movies with a parent. Next week, for example, we are going to watch some of "Cars" while we try to make a map of Radiator Springs for a school project. However, I try to keep education mostly off the computer so far.

I try to keep my phone checking and internet browsing to a minimum, but it is a struggle for me. I want to read blogs, keep up with email and Twitter, and all the rest... One thing I have found is keeping the ringer off on my phone. I can check it occasionally throughout the day and if there is an emergency I will be called at home anyway. I turn on the ringer when we leave the house or if I know I am expecting a call.  I love my phone for the number of managerial tasks it can handle for me. In many ways it frees me up for other, more important, tasks. And it frequently sucks my attention when I least have attention to spare. It's a quest for balance.

Sister-Bug doesn't really figure into it much yet. I know in my guts that she is too young to watch movies and TV, but she does anyway because Brother-Bug does and we like to do movies together as a family. She doesn't play computer or iPhone games yet, but she does like to turn my phone to the lock screen to see the picture of her lovely self.

When it comes down to it, media and technology are an important part of the world my kids are growing up in. Part of my job is to help my kids grow slow, giving them plenty of time to Simply Play. Another part of my job is teaching them how to use (not abuse) and negotiate (not sink into) the media morass into which they were born.  I don't know if I am doing it "right". More and more of the time I want to take the kids far into the woods where Dora the Explorer won't invade their priceless childhood with her marketing schemes.

((There is a future post coming about Licensed Characters and their place in our home))

But that is not practical... because there just isn't service for my iPhone out in the middle of the woods.

What about you invisible readers out there? I feel like I am constantly in a battle for technological balance, and I must renegotiate my position from day to day. How do you feel about technology and kids or families? How do you use technology in your homes?

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Some of this post was inspired by The Happiest Mom's post on being a "tech mom". I don't know if I am a "tech mom" or not. It might depend on the day.

Over at the Simplicity Parenting Blog there are lots of articles about media, technology and Simplicity Parenting. I want to peruse them more, but right now I have been on the computer for about as long as I can be. Time to start dinner!

Simple Saturday: A New Piece of Rhythm

At Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne talks a lot about adding rhythm and "pressure valves" to the day. A pressure valve is a time and space that a child (or family member of any age) can rely on, a time and space in which they can let go if need be. Some examples are grace or a moment of silence at meal times, bedtime check-ins and prayers, of after school snacks... Of course, these options are limited only by what your family needs and can create in your home.

One place that always needs work in our house is the kitchen. Some people seem to be born with a knack for keeping a kitchen clean. Not me. Not Papa-Bug. Both of us enjoy a clean kitchen, and both of us love food and cooking. Neither of us has good follow through when we are cooking. One thing I really want to pass on to the kids is a sense of cleanliness and follow-through, and the joy found in keeping our space clean.

So, about 2 weeks ago we started a new after-dinner rhythm that has been working very well. Everyone helps clean up the kitchen while one grown-up reads aloud to the workers. Even Sister-Bug has a job - she takes the napkins to the laundry - before she does some water play in the sink next to the tidying parent. Brother-Bug clears the table and counters to the space for dirty dishes, scrapes the dishes into the compost, and sweeps up under the table. We frequently find ourselves pausing to listen to a particularly exciting part of our book, or pausing reading to help keep the kids on task. Brother-Bug's chores are still obviously done by five-year old hands (we need to re-sweep usually), but he gains competence with each evening we work together.

Sister-Bug loves doing dishes.

The most amazing thing to me is that there has been no resistance from Brother-Bug (or anyone else, but I didn't expect Sister-Bug to say she didn't want to play in water...). He calmly and even joyfully tackles each task, and is easily drawn back to our project when his attention strays.

I need to do a little preparation for it to work out easily for everyone - like making sure the dishwasher is empty and the knives aren't in Sister-Bug's sink, but that is easily accomplished in a day (most days, anyway). I am delighted at how this is working so far - a cleaner kitchen all around, helpers and learners with me, everyone going to bed earlier since no parent (usually Papa-Bug) is left up late with a filthy kitchen, and such a simple way to connect.

Our after-dinner clean up is rapidly becoming my favorite time of day.

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In related news, Papa-Bug has started a new Blog! When we started dating, almost ten years ago, we were both avid writers. Hopefully some of that passion is coming back and both of us can do more writing. I especially like the way he reviews beer - it always gives me a chuckle.

Simple Saturday: Book Review

This all started because I got this book, Simplicity Parenting, out of the library.

No, it started before that. For about a year I have been wondering how I slid from my visions of a low-toy environment, where media was almost non-existent and my child could grow and develop into this Giant Toy Pile. What happened? This was not what I envisioned as I rubbed my giant belly five years ago.

I've been ruminating and questing for answers, wondering if my original vision is just too at-odds with this culture to be realized. My parental instincts have been shooting off warning flares as I have ignored what I know is True about kids - namely that that children need time, attention, and space more than they need anything else.

Finally, after weeks of waiting, Simplicity Parenting arrived at the library. I read through it as voraciously as my two attention-craving children would let me. It answered so many of those questions I had been asking. It reinforced what I know as a parent, reminded me that my instincts are right and good, and that this culture works tirelessly to undermine that knowledge and to keep us on the "more, more, More!!!" track.

The messages of Kim John Payne are clear and concise (one might even say Simple). Childhood is a precious time that speeds by so quickly... and here we (parents, family, friends, culture at large) hustle these little beings through that time. We want them to learn more, have goals, do that, own this, find that teachable moment, squire that skill... All for their benefit. After all, these are our children and they deserve all we can give them, right?

What Payne contends (and I adamantly agree with) is that kids DON'T need things that are newer, better, faster, more. They don't need to take a jillion extra-curricular activities to succeed. They don't need the latest "Thneed" that everyone else needs.

They need time and space, simple thoughts and clear schedules so that they might fully delve into their experiences.

For me, the most thought-provoking aspect of Payne's writing was his thoughts on simplifying the teachable moments, and how we (liberal open affirming educated patents) push so much information at our kids, in an effort to help the have a rich emotional vocabulary or be good and informed citizens of the world. Payne argues that the can be just as hard on kids as too much stuff or too much TV. kids need to learn to identify sad and happy before they deeply analyze those feelings. Kids need to feel the world is small and safe before they can venture out as the good global citizens we envision.

This particular aspect has given me lots of moments of reflection ad I watch myself and Papa-Bug in out parenting quests.

Finally, in the similar vein, as I constantly overload my children verbally (guilty of that...so guilty...), I keep returning to the simple thought that really stuck with me after the book was done and back at the library:

"if you are talking, you aren't listening."

To sum the book review, I would give it four stars - maybe five when I have had more time to put some of the suggestions into practice. Furthermore, I suggest it as an excellent read for anyone who feels like parenting, kids, their mountain of stuff, or the whole whizz-bang culture is just a little too much too fast.

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There is a related website and blog that I am enjoying exploring. You can check it out - lots of nice fooder for thought. I plan on posting a review here soon.