Post Mother's Day Contemplations

When I started this post I was listening to Papa-Bug lovingly instruct the Little-Bugs in the art of French Toast preparation. There were presents that the kids were having a hard time waiting to open.

Mother's Day can be really excellent, or really stressful, partly because it's such an obligatory holiday. You can't get out of it unless you don't have a mom, and I imagine it mocks and stings for those who don't have a mom. If you forget or neglect, you are a bad child. If you're a mom and you just don't want to go to a dressy brunch (send the kids!) you're an unappreciative mom at best. Once you become a mom you have to decide how to have your own day with your own kid(s) and how to honor your own mom. Of you're a dad you have to try to make the day special and worry free for your partner and honor your own mother too. It's different than Christmas where everyone is celebrating everyone.

It was a wonderful day.

Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy Mother's Day, especially in theory. Mothers work really hard for their families and should have a special day and be honored. And we should stop making assumptions and obligations about mothers and what they want for their day.

For years, my mom attended an art retreat over Mother's Day, out of cell phone range. We scolded her because as her kids we are supposed to care for her and surround her with our love on this day in particular. It's later, after I am daily attended by my small entourage that I really understand that a weekend where she didn't have to respond to us at all was her best Mother's Day gift to herself. I wish I would have thought to contribute to the fees for her retreat.

This article about Anna Jarvis and her campaign against the commercialization of Morher's Day was fascinating and gave me a lot to think about - namely what aspects constitute a good Mother's Day, beyond the cards, flowers, and nice meals.

Here are some things I came up with that side-step the commercial and would make many of the moms I know pretty happy.


Make Good Decisions - Moms make a million decisions everyday - what to have for snack, which chore to prioritize, what is or isn't worthy of a time out, is that fall worth a call to the nurse or a visit to urgent care, playdate or no, organic or conventional... Make decisions for her. If you're caring for a mom close to you on Mother's Day, you have an idea of her preferences. Let her know that you would like to surprise her on Mother's Day by taking decision making off her plate and ask if that would be okay. Then make a meal you know she loves or take her to her favorite restaurant (its probably not the one with toy dinosaurs on the tables). You might have to do some sneaky reconnaissance work in advance, but it will be worth it. If you're going out, get the kids and diaper bag ready without assistance. Let her sail through and enjoy. 

Save Her Space - If you know she doesn't want to hang out with family, arrange a fun adventure that precludes a family brunch. Call her mom and/or mother-in-law and say you are planning a special all-day surprise for her and ask if there is a different day for an extended family celebration. Then send the mama to a spa, take her to the beach or a favorite hike/museum/picnic spot. Arrange that some of this adventure is hers without you, kids, or anyone else. Or just stay home and let her know the day is Hers with no obligations. Turn the phone off.


Tackle Her To-Do List - Even if she's really on top of it, you know there is something on it that's not getting done. Stay up a little late Saturday night or get up extra early Mother's Day morning and do that chore you know she keeps moving down the stack - clear the laundry off the couch and actually put it away, sweep that area that clearly hasn't been swept recently, scrub a sink or two... When she wakes up, there's less on The List, which is a huge gift. And free.

Along similar lines, if you plan to make her a special meal, make sure it comes with a beautifully clean kitchen. Cleaning up after the preparation of a gourmet meal is a lot of extra work!


And one inspired by my Mom, specific for Grandparents - Give her the gift of no expectations. She's a mom with kids of assorted ages, the commitments and expectations of day-to-day life looming. Remember what that was like? Your daughter loves you and honors you. Give her the day - no expectations, no invitation with pressure, no guilt-trip if she forgets to call you. If shes having a great Mother's Day, she is doing it her way with her kids. You raised a good Mom - pour yourself a drink and raise a glass to both of you. My Mom has done this for me - suggesting I could join her for mimosas, but not caring if I don't show up. If I call her, she's the first to say Happy Mother's Day, and if I don't get to the phone she wishes me well the next time we talk - no guilt, no pressure. It's one of the best gifts I've received for Mother's Day.

Mothers-In-Law can let their son lavish the Mother of her grandchildren with attention and flowers - and not get bent out of shape if he neglects his Mom a little. Raise a glass to yourself - you taught your son how to be a good partner and father. Your Mother's Day gift is that he is living that lesson you taught him.

These are just a few ideas - and in case Papa-Bug is reading this, I had a wonderful Mother's Day. I had sometime to contemplate this post and discuss some of the pitfalls of Mother's Day when a friend and I went out - without our kids! - for a beverage.

All in all I am very satisfied with my celebration. And I offer these ideas as a jumping-off-point for anyone who wants to have - or to help a Mother have - a fantastic Mother's Day next time around.

What Happened With...A New Year's Day Post

...a lot of my November writings? I posted about NaNoWriMo I usually post about homeschooling, and all kinds of things. Here's where that all went.

A sunrise at our house. A new day dawning. Happy, Merry, & Bright.

- Daily Haiku. With the holidays and the sleep cycle that Sister-Bug is in, I haven't gotten my customary writing time I'm the morning. So the Haiku have recently been more erratic that I like them to be. Hopefully with the return of a schedule I can get back on my writing track.

-National Novel Writing Month? I made good progress on a series of picture books I am writing for pagan kids. I've been tinkering with the ideas for year's, but finally began to organize the series into manageable goals, and I have two (very) rough drafts of two different books. It was a lot less than I had hoped for, but ultimately more than I had previously accomplished. So that feel good and I plan to move forward with the series in the coming year.

- November Kindergarten Review? We did emergencies, and because of the way it worked out we continued into December. And then my brain was eaten for the holiday craziness. I never got around to it. I will. And we will have a video as well! Brother-Bug and I are on it.

- Simple Saturdays? I had so many good posts, bouncing around in my head, about simplifying holidays. And it was too complicated a time to write them down. Maybe next year. Maybe I'll spread them out throughout the year - because one of the ways I simplify the holidays is by doing small preparations all year long.

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So that's what happened. We went to Seattle for Thanksgiving and I have barely come up for air since.

If I were to make a New Year's Resolution, it would involve writing more consistently. But for now I am basking in the cuddles of my sleeping children who were up late into the might. And that's enough for now - they will be grown and leaving me with more time for consistent writing all too soon. I'll resolve to focus on the now, the precious moments with my little ones, take each adventure as I find it, and write as much, or when, I can.

It's a New Year. Happiness and Blessings to you for the duration.

Happy, Merry, and Bright

A Holiday with two little ones leaves very little time for writing. Multiple holidays and family birthdays with two little ones leave even less time.

Somewhere there are pictures of carefully crafted gifts...and someday I will post them, possibly along with instructions. Somewhere there are Simple Saturday drafts, about simplifying these family holidays. But we were just too busy for simplicity.

All that said, I hope you had a Happy Solstice, a Merry Christmas, Bright Hannukah, and Joyous anything else you celebrate at this time of year.

We did.

Blessings and Peace to All.

Mindful Monday: Ride the Crazy Wave

It's the holidays. It's festive. It's crazy. There are little people in my world who are so excited they simply cannot contain themselves.

Family comes into town this weekend. We go with my family (all 12 or so of us) to the beach for four days of solid merriment. We get home from that and get ready for Christmas. We don't start coming down until after New Years.

Everything is upset; my housekeeping schedule, my blogging schedule, the kids routine.

My Mindful Monday this week is to do what needs to be done, enjoy the madness, release the blog schedule, but try to keep (somewhat) to the housekeeping schedule. I'll keep posting through the next few weeks, sharing the holiday madness with you all, but I'll do it on my schedule, as I want to or have time to.

Because my real Mindful Monday is to enjoy the Holidays and all the chaotic, glittering, exuberant madness.

Simple Saturday - Holiday Edition: Make It Ourselves

One of the things I deeply enjoy about the holidays is Creation. Baking cookies, making gifts, crafting decorations... Always the gifts we give involve some homemade elements. We buy a few things new (or "newly used" at the thrift), but I love the feeling of ingenuity I get when I create something special out of something we already have.

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This year I knitted these darling cherries as a Tree Ornament. One tradition is that the Little Bugs always find a new ornament in their Christmas stocking. Often I find nice ones at the thrift store. This year I saw this pattern online and knitted up two little cherry bunches for their Ornaments. They were fun and easy to knit, very quick, and I made them out of yarn ends that were just gathering dust at my mom's house.

Tasty tree trims - made of old scraps.

I would post some of our other creations, but I don't know who reads this and don't want to spoil any surprises. After the Holidays, when the gifts are all given, I will post more extensive pictures and descriptions of some of our creating. I've been having fun, in a financially tight year, finding what I can make with what we have or can find. I often do this, but this year I am focusing on it more than usual and having great success!

The other thing I delight in creating each year is our holiday card. Some years I draw a picture, we color copy it, and make that design into a card. The year I was 6 months pregnant with Sister-Bug we sent a standard photo card. But since then I have been getting into minimizing our card footprint. What can I use to make a fun card?

We are blessed to have the Materials Exchange Center for Community Art (MECCA) here, which is an art supply thrift store. Bins of old fabric, stacks of paper, odd bottle caps, you name it. And more than fairly priced. MECCA is a blessing when it comes to making holiday cards. Last year I scored a stack of odd shaped white card stock, 55 envelopes, and a pile of used holiday cards for $4.00. A little work with paper cutter and glue stick and I had glued the old cards to the card stock, creating new cards!

Kid writing, fabric scraps, reused card stock. Voila!

This year I made these cards - again a stack of old card stock and assorted envelopes from MECCA. I added fabric scraps from my scrap bin, and had Brother-Bug write assorted festive words on a paper, which I color copied and cut out to finish the front. I used some other old card to print out our own greeting which I glued to the inside. I like writing this - what I want and not settling for an approximation of what I want in someone elses' words. Very home made. Very us.

Making my own cards is not simple. It is, in fact, far more complicated than buying cards at the dollar store, or getting a photo card printed. But there is a blessing here. The card says "I took time to make this for you. I thought about you." At least, that's what is says to me. It also champions recycling and reusing (the genesis of the card is printed on the inside, letting recipients know it is a reused item) which is so important to think about in this season of trash.

But though it is not a simple thing, it makes me plan ahead a bit. It makes me slow down and think about people outside my immediate family and those I make or buy gifts for. It makes me stretch my creativity each year as I find something new, something fun, something that will be special when opened.

Simple Saturday - Holiday Edition: The Great Toy Give away

One thing I try to teach, model, and live at this time of year is giving. It is a season of giving, not of getting. So while we do make lists for Santa, we try to focus more on what we are giving to others - talking about who we are gifting as we are making gifts and baking cookies, and how much those recipients will enjoy our gift.

We also have a yearly tradition that we call "The Great Toy Give-Away". It happens today, the first Saturday of December. We've done it every year since Brother-Bug was one (that first Christmas he was 3 months old, so didn't have much to giveaway).

The idea is simple. We look through our toys and find some nice ones that we no longer use. We pick them out and take them to a local family homeless shelter. While we are doing it, we talk about what it might be like to have Christmas morning without a house, how we are helping other kids have presents, maybe some kids won't have a present unless we share some of our excess.

Every year it is a little hard. Every year I am warmed to my core when Brother-Bug gets into it and truly gives from his heart. My favorite was when he gave up a Tonka dump truck, so shocked was he (at three) that some kid might not have even one toy truck!

I've sweetened the deal a little. As we go through the toys, we find a present from Santa. It comes with a note thanking our family for being so generous. The present is usually a Christmas DVD. It doesn't add to our toy load and helps us look forward to this exercise in generosity.

Also, we've linked this with the getting of the tree. Take the toys, pick out a tree, come home and decorate, watch a new Christmas movie. It ends up being a really nice day.

My hope is that we make some space in our toy storage for some of the new toys arriving in a few weeks.  My hope is that the kids learn that giving is an essential part of this season. My hope is that they take the needs of others into consideration when approaching this most festive of seasons.

They might hate it now, or tolerate their Mother's insistence. But maybe the lesson will stick. I hope.

Simple Saturday - The Holiday Edition: Adjustments

Over the next month or so I want to share Holiday plans and preparations with you. Of all the things I do as a parent, the hardest to simplify is the Holiday season. There's Christmas, which is a simplicity nightmare in itself. But there is also both mine and Papas birthdays. And my side of the family does a four day beach trip for Winter Solstice. Starting with Thanksgiving, it feels like a tinsel-festooned roller coaster that I cant stop.

I'll claim responsibility for a fair part of the chaos. I love decorating and baking cookies. I love making thoughtful gifts. I want to have traditions sprinkled throughout the month and those traditions take time and thought and energy. But I love it.

What we are slowly learning to do as a family is adjust our expectations - and to help those around us adjust theirs.

After the first Christmas with Brother, Papa-Bug and I realized we wanted some holiday time quiet at home. We stopped going to his parents house for the whole day of presents and movies and dinner and what not. It was always kind of exhausting and meant a day out and social. We want the Little-Bugs to enjoy the mellow pace of the holidays, as well as the familial gaiety. Now we have Christmas morning at home - slow, unscheduled, mellow, and growing our own traditions. We go to Grandma and Grandpa's for a dinner and presents.

This was disappointing for the grandparents, and for that I feel bad. But... These are the holidays and I don't want us to go through them feeling like I have to meet others holiday standards and expectations. It's important that we all feel comfortable and festive. It's important to me that my kids have traditions linked to home.

This year, just this past week, we broke with tradition and spent Thanksgiving with Brother-Bug's God Patents instead of at a grandparent house. It was so relaxing. It was the Thanksgiving I have been wishing for. Close, quiet, no expectations, no historical familial drama... Good food and lots to be thankful for. Added benefit was watching Brother-Bug ground and center the way he does only with those beloved God Parents.

Again, grandparents were sorry not to have our presence and for that I am sorry.

I'm not sorry for taking my family's traditions into my mind and hands, making them into holidays that meet the needs and dreams of me, Papa-Bug, and the Little-Bugs. Those dreams will certainly involve biological and extended family. We are truly blessed that we have so many loving people who want to celebrate with us. I keep in mind that I am responsible for the Little-Bugs in this house having a fabulous time, and for building traditions that are comfortable and sustainable for many years. I am not responsible for how other people feel when I adjust our family's traditions and Holiday commitments. We will continue to search for balance between obligation, expectation, dreams, desires, and realities. My focus is on having fun, all of us looking forward to each new holiday delight, sharing with family sometimes, with friends sometimes, and staying quietly at home reading "A Child's Christmas in Wales" sometimes.

Every year I find a place or two that I can make a change and adjust my expectations. When I am looking forward to the holidays and looking for ways to simplify those holidays, a good place to start, in my experience, is with how much we do and with whom we do it.

Post Halloween Contemplations

Brother-Bug's breakfast conversation the day after Halloween went something like this:

BB: Mama, did you see that Snow White came trick-or-treating to our house last night?
Me: I did see her. Do you think it was a kid in a costume, or the real Snow White?
BB: Oh, I think it was the real Snow White. (Pensive pause to eat some breakfast...) But Mama, why do you think Snow White didn't dress up?

Our Captain Hook. Arrrrr.

We had a typical (for our family) Halloween. The thing about Halloween that makes me a little crazy is that it is also Samhain for those of us of the Pagan persuasion. This means we try to meaningfully combine a deeply sacred day with the conventional secular mayhem. I finish the day feeling more than a little frazzled...and not just from all the sweeties!

I love Halloween. Costume making and dressing up give me no end of delight.

Me and my Raggedy Ann. That was my Ann dress when I was 2.

I also think that in our quest for simplicity, healthful food, and minimizing consumption, there are times when we let that go. I want the kids to learn that we are mindful of our choices, and occasionally we choose to ignore the corn-syrup and gobble up sweeties after bedtime to our hearts delight.

For me, Halloween is a good example of a favorite quote:

Everything in moderation, including moderation. (Oscar Wilde)

On the other side, I really want this day to have less stress, less craziness, less trying to jam it all in. This is one of my favorite sacred days and I grieve that it is do rushed.

I have no solutions at this time, but want to think about it over the next year, as I thought about the errands and housekeeping schedule. As I think about our simplifying. Here is a place it is deeply needed. I just don't know quite what I want to do...