A Tandem Nursing Story

Happy World Breastfeeding Week! Nursing a baby is magical - that the food I eat turns to rich milk, that my beautiful children thrive from that milk... It's really special. There is nothing like a baby or child looking up into your eyes as they nurse. That is beyond really special.

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I want to talk about Tandem Nursing.

What? Is that like extreme nursing on a tandem bike or something?

The definition of Tandem Nursing is nursing two kids at the same time. A mother of twins might be a tandem nurser. A mother who has one older nurseling and a new nursing baby is a tandem nurser. And so on. Tandem Nursing is somewhat controversial, especially in this culture that frequently frowns upon nursing past a year (despite the recommendations from the AAP and WHO). Nursing two (or more...some moms nurse more!) children, when one is able to sustain themselves with solid food is a whole other kind of cultural taboo.

Before we delve into Tandem Nursing, I want to talk a little bit about Extended Nursing - or nursing into the toddler or preschooler years. Nursing is not a mere mechanical food delivery system; babies and children nurse for food, for medicine, for comfort, for connection, and because it's really good stuff. There is a dance and relationship that develops between baby and mother. The choice to nurse a child is deeply personal, and the length of time that a mother chooses to nurse is also deeply personal. Because it is a relationship between two people, the choice to end or change that relationship must happen between those two people. It's not my doctor's business how long I nurse (barring some extreme medical situations), and likewise it's not relevant to my friends, family, or strangers on the bus. People can and will share their opinions with me, but at the end of the day the decision has to be between the two people in the relationship. Nursing should stop when either party in the relationship is done. If the child no longer wants to nurse - Done. If nursing is too much for the mother - Done. If the dentist says nursing past a year is highly questionable - Find a New Dentist. You wouldn't let your dentist decide if you should break up your relationship with your partner, or stop speaking to your best friend, right?


On to Tandem Nursing.

When Brother-Bug was almost three, I found out I was pregnant with the being who would come to be Sister-Bug. Brother-Bug was nursing 4-ish times a day and I still cherished that time with him. It felt especially important as I contemplated sharing myself bewteen two kids - it was a time to relish my first child and the ability I had for those years to lavish attention on him without distraction. And he didn't want to stop nursing anyway. So we didn't. We talked to our midwife, did some reading, and decided to take it one day at a time. At any point I might have been done, and we would have helped Brother-Bug with the transition to not nursing.

Eventually, Brother-Bug learned to curl his body around my growing belly, and we explored different nursing positions. He would pat and rub the belly while he nursed. I gave him more of a schedule of nursing times (waking up, nap time, going to bed) and we talked about how the baby would get to nurse whenever.

It wasn't all blissful. Brother-Bug's initial latch-on hurt my pregnancy-sensitized nipples. But it only hurt for a minute and it was something I decided I could live with. I gritted my teeth for the latch moment and breathed through it. It passed fairly quickly, and stopped almost entirely somewhere in my second trimester.

Eventually, Sister-Bug made her way into the world. Brother-Bug was present at her birth. When she was about half an hour old it was time for her first attempt at nursing. She latched on my left, Brother-Bug latched on my right, sitting next to me. I looked down at my two beautiful babes and Brother-Bug reached his arm to wrap it around his new sister, gently stroking her back as they nursed together. That one moment was worth every painful latch I experienced.

Sister-Bug is about 6 hours old here. I love the smile in Brother-Bug's eyes.

As they grew together they would hold hands while they nursed, smile at each other, and connect while piled up on me. There were a few moments in which I felt overwhemed, under my two nurslings, but for the most part it was wonderful. Brother-Bug had a very easy adjustment to being the older of two and I attribute some of it to Tandem Nursing - that they could share this special relationship helped him understand the link between he and his sister. I loved having an extra tummy when I was just making too much milk - he was always happy to help take some of the pressure off! As he grew, his nursing slacked off, and just before Sister-Bug turned one, I asked him to be done nursing. He wasn't remembering to nurse and then feeling frustrated because he had missed it. His brain still wanted it sometimes, but the rest of him had grown out of nursing. He had a last nurse, we celebrated with ice cream, and I continued to enjoy nursing Sister-Bug.

Fast forward to Sister-Bug's second birthday. I was newly pregnant with the current Fetus-Bug. Still nursing. Again, we are taking it one day at a time. Sister-Bug is a LOT less committed to nursing. Sometimes she skips whole days and doesn't even notice. But we are still nursing and I plan on doing so until she is done...or I am done. I won't be surprised if she stops nursing before this new baby is born. Latching on is still uncomfortable, but I know that it's worth it for me. I treasure these moments when I can right the wrongs in her world so easily; the moments where she snuggles up to me, gazing up as we nurse. She will be a big girl so soon. I'm watching curiously to see where she goes and when she stops. The differences between my children fascinates me.

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Tandem Nursing will not work for every mother. Some women have intense nipple and breast pain and must stop nursing. Some just don't want to keep nursing. And they shouldn't. Every woman's experience of nursing is different and should be supported and honored. If it's something you are considering, check out these sites:

La Leche League - Tandem Nursing : A great list of all their posts and links to Tandem Information

Breastfeeding Basics - Tandem Nursing : A very informative FAQ

Also buy yourself a copy of Adventures in Tandem Nursing, by Hilary Flowers. Good stuff there, and an invaluable reference to flip though as you nurse...and nurse...and nurse...

I've loved almost every moment of my Tandem Nursing experiences so far. If Sister-Bug does entirely wean herself before the baby is born, I will feel a little sad not to see that relationship develop as the baby sits on her lap while they nurse together. I love the way my arms and body encompass my children and feed them.

It's the best magic I can do. 

The Day Lillies Are Blooming!

Summer is here, with Strawberries to eat and the bank of Day Lillies blooming out front. Last summer I was delighted to find out that

Day Lillies are edible!

They are so tasty added to salads.

Doesn't Sister-Bug look so...One...in that post? She's grown so much in a year!

Find some Day Lillies. Eat them. Enjoy.

What is your favorite edible flower?

A Co-Sleeping Story

The Little-Bugs and I have been visiting Brother-Bug's Godmommies over the holiday weekend. On our last night there, he decided to have a sleep over with his Godmommies, cuddling up in their bed instead of the bed that he was sharing with Sister-Bug and I. This is common - he loves them so, and since we see them only a few times a year we try to fill him up with as much Godmommie time and love as possible!

Sister-Bug was upset that she didn't get to have a sleep over too. Sad face! I offered her the option of having a special Mama sleep over, just the two of us, or making her a bed for her very own self on the floor. She chose her own bed on the floor. I folded a comfortor into a sleeping bag shape and she tucked herself in. She fell asleep, on her own, a few minutes later.

Cozied up...she looks so little to me, to be sleeping all by herself...but that's my bias.

I think it has been close to six years since I had a bed all to myself at night.

I wish I could say I fell asleep reveling in the freedom to shift to any comfortable position, unhindered by son, daughter, husband, dog, or cat. But without those anchors that give my sleep definiton, I was restless. I kept waking, confused by the lack of bodies. Sister-Bug slept for about two hours on her own and when she called me, I chose to pull her into bed with me so that I could get some solid rest. I wrapped my arms around her sweaty toddler self and finally fell deeply asleep.

Co-sleeping is really important to our family. I relish these years that my children want to be close to me. I treasure the moments when dimpled arms reach out to make sure I am still there. I adore how they shift in their sleep to find me, knowing I'm not ever far away. I know that soon they will be independant and lanky teenagers, or even their own adults in beds far from mine, so I soak up every night that I share with them.

But co-sleeping is not as important to me as respecting my child's right to their own space, and their ability to make good decisions for themselves. There has been a lot of chatter about Attachment Parenting recently, both good and bad. If you've read my blog at all, you know that I'm pretty attached and I like it that way. It works for us.

In my heart of hearts, this decision process - the offering of options, supporting choice, listening to needs - is the very essence of attachment parenting. And last night, Sister-Bug showed a perfect example of a Securely Attached Child: she made a choice, having faith in its rightness for her, sure that she would be cared for if she needed care. She felt loved and attached all night long, alone in her floor-bed or cuddled up with me in the wee hours. My Attachment relationship with her contributed greately to her ability to confindently make that choice.

None of my kids will sleep with me forever, but I am happy to know that they will choose when to move on from my sides when it is right for them.

===
Update:
Last night after posting this, Sister-bug requested that we make her a bed for herself. We did, but exhausted after a long travel day, she fell asleep in my arms and I put her to bed with us. I woke her up to pee at about 3:00 and in her stupor she insisted on her own bed. She slept there till 6:30, when she happily got herself up and came to find me.

Wordless Wednesday: So. Very. Sleepy.

(This is...was...one of my favorite features, making me look for images throughout the week. I'm bringing it back.)

"I wish I could take a quiet corner in the heart of my baby's very
own world." Rabindranath Tagore

Nursing On Demand or Nursing By Desire?

I love this recent blog post from Nurshable. It resonates so very deeply. As I move toward nursing my third child (while still nursing my second) I am still stunned by the look in my daughter's eyes when she gazes at me while we nurse. There is so much love and trust there. I would not trade that for anything.

Me and my kids - tandem nursing on Sister-Bug's first day. Brother on the bottom, Sister on the top.

I've been thinking about the term "On Demand Nursing" and I don't like it. A Google search defines demand as:

de·mand/diˈmand/

Noun:	An insistent and peremptory request, made as if by right.
Verb:	Ask authoritatively or brusquely

Certainly as a nursing mom I've experienced demands from both my children, but our nursing relationship is much deeper than that. "On Demand" implies that I am held to the whims of a tiny tyrant, that I have little choice in the matter. But we need a new phrase - one that connotates the positive action of meeting our baby/toddler/child's needs because we have the desire to be the best mother we can be. A similar Google search defines desire as:

de·sire/dəˈzī(ə)r/

Noun:	A strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
Verb:	Strongly wish for or want (something).

That's more the kind of word I'm looking for.

Desire is a good thing. Desire motivates us to seek out satiation. Often we share our desires with others, especially those we love deeply. I chose to nurse this way because I desired this amazing closeness with my children. I chose this because my understanding and experience led me to the decision that this is best for both of us and, like all parents, I desire to do what is best for my family.

Sometimes, as babies grow to toddlers, I say "No. I can't nurse this minute." And we discuss when we will settle and nurse. There are two (sometimes more) people in the equation, with unique needs, demands, and desires. I honor the building and unfolding of that nursing relationship. My desire is to aid and support it to the best of my ability.

Much as I reject the designation of "Human Pacifier", I will no longer practice "On Demand Nursing". I'm changing it. My kids and I will Nurse By Desire.

A Co-Sleeping Family

Clearly these two beauties were made for snuggling.

Honestly, we never meant to co-sleep with our kids. Our babies, definitely. But I envisioned toddler years when we would lovingly move our child into a toddler bed, reclaiming our bedroom for our adult lives. I envisioned a preschooler joining us in bed in the mornings, cuddling down between us for a quick connection before we got up.

And when I was pregnant with Sister-Bug we made all attempts to move Brother-Bug into his own bed. It lasted about... 3 months and then he was right back in with us, limbs wrapped around the nearest parent. Now, at 5 1/2, he has no more notion of sleeping in his own bed than he did as an infant.

This works for our family.

Co-sleeping might not work for all families. I am blessed with a co-sleeping history (me, 2 parents, 3 siblings, one bed...cuddles which lasted into my early teens) and value the physical comfort I still have with my siblings, a comfort that I attribute partially to co-sleeping. Papa-Bug and I both love to snuggle, and neither kid is given to overmuch kicking and flailing. We have a big bed.

This picture might not work for your family, and the idea of sleeping with your child (or even teenager!) makes a lot of people uncomfortable. That's okay. I don't need anyone to be comfortable with our sleeping arrangements except for us in this bed.

There are drawbacks, but they are few and far-between. My co-sleeping toddler still wants and needs me when she goes to sleep - nap or otherwise - and so I find myself laying down in bed when I might be doing other things. It forces my sweetheart and I to get creative about intimacy - and this is something that worries lots of people. But hey - it's my romance and not your business. We will leave it there. But the drawbacks are far outweighed by the benefits...

There are lots of reasons we love co-sleeping, and I thought I would share some of the reasons I didn't fully think about when we started our snuggling adventure.

Tired Papa and his Little Fairy

*Its easy with a newborn. Tiny babies are notorious for keeping their parents going around the clock. But if I am curled up in bed with my baby in the crook of my arm, I can doze while they nurse, contemplate the heavens, or whatever else it is they do in the night. I firmly believe that my newborn is safer next to me than in a crib. I can feel and respond to sleep changes at a moments notice. Baby can hear my heartbeat and my breathing, and continue to learn these things from me if reminders are needed. I am aware of this person, even in my deepest sleep.

But what about rolling onto the baby? someone always asks. Well, I did that. We were visiting my Dad with 9-week old Brother-Bug. The bed was on a slight angle toward the baby's side. I was exhausted and on a three hour jet-lag, which changed how deeply I was asleep. Gravity pulled me over onto the baby. As it turns out, even a sleeping baby doesn't like to be squished! It turns out that I wake up when I roll into a squirming 9 pound bump in the bed. No harm done. Lesson learned.

(Of course, if you or someone in your bed is under a sedative influence - alcohol, sleep medication, etcetera, this is a different equation and the baby should not be near that person. The other side of the non-influenced parent or it's own bed near the adult bed is safe.)

After a few months of Brother-Bug sleeping and nursing through the nights I stopped fully waking to nurse him. We would switch sides, adjust, comfortably latch, and fall back asleep. Same deal with changing diapers, and later helping Sister-Bug pee in the potty during the night - all things I did in a state of semi-slumber, hardly breaking my sleep cycle.


*Babies sleep through the night sooner I believe, because they aren't getting woken up and removed from their bed to eat at various intervals. While they are learning their circadian rhythm, they don't know that it's time to sleep when it is dark. So once you get them out of bed they are ready to play. If they stir, and go right back to nursing, they learn quickly to sleep when it is dark.

*It's easier and safer when a baby or child is sick. If I sleep skin-to-skin with a feverish baby, I can

Me and the fat Sister-Bug - newborn napping.

monitor their fever while I doze (I never sleep fully if my baby or kid is sick). I can keep them comfortable. They don't choke on their vomit because I am right there to help them with Mt. Vesuvius. I've been known to get a toddler pointing off the bed to barf on the floor when both of us were asleep at first gurgle - so honed are my Mama-reflexes from sleeping with my babies. If my kids were in their own beds we would be up and down all night while we checked on them. I wouldn't always be there to catch the vomit and reassure a scared and uncomfortable little person immediately. I wouldn't know if a fever suddenly spiked. And I wouldn't get nearly as much rest, which keeps me healthy and makes me less likely to get sick.


*Likewise, we are there for immediate nightmare relief. No wailing child in the night - we are able to gently guide them back to reality and settle them safe in our arms where all is cozy.

*We have less night-time potty accidents because we can respond to the movements our kids make when they need to pee. They learn from our awareness and they quickly get to a point of meeting that need for themselves (often with a parent to go with) in the night.


And the most important thing.

*They are little, ours to snuggle close, for such a precious and short time. We watch them sleep, we hold them safe and close, we listen to their dreams, and marvel at how long their limbs have grown. I spend about a third of the hours in a day cuddled with my children in our big bed. We rest out bodies and brains and re-connect our spirits. We reach out for one another in our sleep, trusting that Love is right there.

Someday I will revel in a bed of just me and my husband, or even (!) just me. But right now I am laying down nursing my daughter, looking forward to a warm little boy who will snuggle me up while I read the next chapter of The Wind In The Willows to us. And I can't imagine anywhere else I would rather be.

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Read my recent Cowbird Story about the Magical Giggle - the story that inspired this post. 

And there he will cuddle all night.

Sister-Bug and Elimination Communication

*Elimination Communication is about helping our little ones use the potty from infancy, because we believe that they can, given the opportunity, communicate these needs with their care givers. 

We started out her infancy without (with few) diapers, potty at the ready. I believed, really believed we could make the Elimination Communication thing work. And once we were into the stride of parenting two kids, it seemed to be going fine. We got used to changing our pants and hers.

There was something so magical about communicating that closely with such a tiny creature. As she learned to sit up, and could hold herself on her own potty, I looked forward to putting away the diapers. At six months, at least 70% of her daytime pees, and all her poops made it into the potty/toilet/sink/grass. She started to have dry nights - squirming to wake me once or twice to pee in our sleep. I would haul the potty up onto the bed, she would pee, we'd go back to sleep. I'm pretty sure I completely slept through that process many times.

Reading on the potty at 8 months... right before the Strike.

Then, around nine months, she went on a strike. I laughed and wiped up the pee. Several weeks later I sighed and wiped up the poop. Dry nights stopped. Potty wiggles stopped. Communication on her end ceased. I did some checking around and found that it is normal and that most kids sort it out around ten months. No problem there.

She was still striking at eleven months. Not only was she refusing to pee in the potty, but... When I would sense she needed to pee I would pop her onto the potty or over a convenient receptacle. We'd sing and laugh and relax, enjoy ourselves, and Not Pee. So I would take her off the potty, she would look at me, and pee. Smart little twerp, right?

Added to that, we were moving during those couple of months. Into diapers she went.

My personal theory was that I should approach EC as a game and if I didn't want to play the game, I shouldn't. I was sick of the obviously intentional pee-on-Mama wrinkle she was experimenting with. I stopped playing.

If we hadn't been moving, I probably would have played somewhat differently. It's hard to say. But regardless, she went into full time diapers. And there she stayed until the summer. As it warmed up and we took our layers off, I made the potty available. I gave her gummy bears if she peed or pooped in the potty. She started to show interest - more in using the potty than in the treat which was encouraging.

It's been up and down since them. She loves her underwear. She switched to wearing diapers about half her waking hours through the fall. When she was in undies, about half her pee and poop were making it into the potty. Sometimes she would remember that I owe her a gummy bear. Often I would sigh and clean up the floor, pants, sheets...

She chooses each morning if we are doing diapers or undies. Yesterday undies (but only the frog ones) and today a diaper. We often switch mid day. And I let her know, when we have to get out a diaper, that it is usually because my mind isn't able to keep up with her. I encourage her to check for dry pants.

And she pees her dolls in her little potty, holding them over it and making her cue noise. It's adorable.

In the last two weeks, even with the Holiday Mayhem, I think she has been in three diapers during the day. She has peed on the floor maybe twice. She has been catching her own pee and poop, letting me know when she needs to go, and getting to the potty.

Last week she stopped using the little Bjorn potty and will only "pee big girl potty". Also, she likes privacy and has taken on pulling her own pants up. It's all her. I was here to support her toward this independence and I think that the early EC work we did with her has made a big difference in her ability to comfortably navigate the needs of her body.

So that is my experience with EC. I'll try it with the next kid too (when it shows up eventually), though not a rigorously as I did with Sister-Bug. I'm learning more relaxation around my expectations of myself as a parent. Some of that learning I got from EC.

I still see it as a game, and I love that my 21 month old is ready, on her own steam, to put her diapers away.

Wordless Wednesday: The Naked Novelist

Simple Saturday: Knowing When To Let Go And Flow

I had several ideas of what to write today, and I was going to get started yesterday.

Then Sister-Bug fell off a chair at noon, which in itself is not too unusual. She's an adventurous one-year old. But this time she didn't bounce back. Gentle exploration of her shoulders caused shrieking and attempts to wiggle away. Her normally cherry aspect was replaced by a groggy child who didn't move when laid down, and who didn't want to eat candy corn.

After a couple hours at Urgent Care, they confirmed my suspicion of a broken clavicle. Poor little girl!

 My entire days are going to be different now. She can't climb, swim, or play unsupervised at all.

That's what a fractured toddler clavicle looks like...

She has to be watched with Brother-Bug, lest his adoring ministrations cause pain or re-injury. It takes twice as long to do her maintenance - brushing teeth, getting dressed, and so on. I'm not going to have the same kind of time to write and clean and do the things I do.


We will be devising lots of ways to keep an active, independent toddler fairly calm and entertained for at least two weeks. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

So, I'm letting go of my visions for today's blog feature, and looking at temporary re-simplifying of my life while Sister-Bug heals and we find rhythms that fit with her limitations.

All wrapped up in a clavicle support and ace bandage. She really hates her "big band-aid."

I'm deeply grateful that we have a pretty simple life that can (fairly) easily flex to support her healing - no daycare to deal with, no dual work schedule to shuffle. The worst is that we had to cancel her swim lesson, and I will be staying in a bit more than usual, because getting her in and out of her car seat is very difficult. One more win for simplicity!

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Along inspirational lines, I loved the idea is this blog post by SteadyMom that the ultimate goal of the day is Peace. She suggests putting it first on your to do list.From the post:

"At the top of your to-do list, write it - Peace.

If anything tries to threaten your goal, it gets crossed off immediately. Don't worship at the altar of busyness and allow the very heartbeat of your family to suffer.

Let me spell it out as a reminder for us all:
Laundry isn't more important than peace.
Cleaning isn't more important than peace.
Homeschooling isn't more important than peace.
The family budget isn't more important than peace."

 Isn't that just a lovely thought?

Foot Print Ghosties

We made these guys the other day, when Brother-Bug wanted to decorate for Halloween. They are delightful, so easy, and super cute.



Trace your child's foot on sturdy white paper. Cut out the tracing - it should be an obvious ghost shape.

Draw eyes and a mouth.

We hung ours on white sewing thread in the window. They could also be nice cards, put together with crepe paper to make a banner, or???

Wordless Wednesday: The Artiste

What To Do When...

...the toddler eats a handful of raw ground turkey?
*
*

*
Clear your schedule, wear something washable, and prepare for some sticky, vomiting toddler snuggles. Yuck.

Spend some time on the phone with the pediatrician and the midwife. Be grateful that the midwife is well informed and really knows her stuff - because the pediatrician wasn't much help at all.

Also, save the package the turkey came in - in case you have to visit Urgent Care (looks like we missed that adventure, thank goodness!).

Sip Pedialite slowly, an hour after the last puke. Flavor it with a little peppermint tea to soothe the tummy.

Take a relaxing bath spiked with chamomile tea and lavender oil and wash the sticky off yourself and the toddler.


Go to bed with a movie....

Oh, wait. Wipe up and change everyone's shirts again. Sleep with the toddler cuddled up on a towel.

Sigh.

Plan on laundry for tomorrow. Lots of laundry.

Sigh.

One Of Those Moments

Because nothing is ever perfect, my re-vamping of errands failed to help Sister-Bug with a particularly challenging day. She didn't want to sit in the cart. She didn't want to sit in the basket of the cart with Brother-Bug. She didn't want to ride on my back. She wanted only to run around the stores unattended, probably pulling everything off the shelves. She wasn't allowed to do this at any of our stops. She adamantly and vocally let me know that she was being treated abysmally.

Consequently, I got snappish and impatient with both kids. Sister-Bug flailed in the Ergo on my back, wailing and begging to be released. Brother-Bug rode in the cart or trudged by my side, both of us frustrated with the toddler and just pushing through this hell of grocery shopping.

A laugh break came when Sister-Bug tried a new tactic. In the grocery store she started scolding me.


"No Mama! No! Want out! Bad Dog, MAMA! BAD DOG." 

I was at the end of my rope. and pretty much being a bitch, so she wasn't wrong. Brother and I found it very funny. Laughing at Sister's shrill chastisement of me got us through our errands.

It was one of those parenting moments.

Wordless Wednesday: Learning to Make Tortillas

Wordless Wednesday: "I need HELP" (pronounced 'hep')

Wordless Wednesday: My Nursing Career

First nursing day ever.

 I know it's supposed to be "Wordless", but I want to preface today by saying that it has been National Breastfeeding Month all August. To celebrate, on this last Wednesday of August, here are pictures of me nursing my little ones.

I have been nursing for just under 5 years. Ten and a half months I nursed both kids at once. It's magical and special and amazing. I feel so blessed that my babies have grown healthy and strong with what my body can make.

Mama Faery nurses Baby-Faery (Brother-Bug)

Brother-Bug and I review a picture book with my mom.

Brother and Sister-Bugs latch together on Sister's first morning with us.

Little Sister enjoys a solo nosh.

Sister on Brother on Mama! Everyone eats.

This is a favorite moment. Sister-Bug is a day old. She is laying on Brother-Bug who has his arm wrapped around her in a cuddle. Talk about sweet memories.

A Potty-Training "AH HA!" Moment

I wouldn't say that Sister-Bug is potty training. She has had experience as an EC baby, using the potty consistently at about 3 months old. She went on an extended strike at 9 months that was still going on as we moved, so into diapers she went and has mostly stayed. But lately she has been showing renewed interest in her blue potty.

Coincidentally, there was this post over on Life As Mom about 10-day potty training. I gave it a read, not expecting much since Sister-Bug is only 17-months old. And there in the text was such an AH HA! A moment of clarity.

The goal isn't pee and poop in the potty as much as the goal is dryness! To quote Life as Mom to reiterate:

This was the epiphany for me: dryness is the goal. Going in the toilet is a complimentary facet, but dryness is the goal. Reward, praise, and cheer for dryness. Check for dryness often. And then offer more treats.
Help your child make the connection between going in the potty and staying dry.

 So yesterday I pulled a pair of kid underwear out - the tiniest one I could find, and popped them on Sister-Bug.

She LOVED them. And while she was wearing them - about half the day - she got almost all of her pee in the potty. Poop is a different story and involves several paper towels. But she loved the underwear. AND she told me - while wearing a diaper at the library - that she needed to pee and then made it to the restroom on time.

She lacks most of the usual signs of toilet-training readiness, but she has the most important one: an interest in the process. And that is a great place to start.

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In related contemplations, I hate the phrase potty-training. It makes it seem like the child is a trick pony or seal or something. We don't train them. We help them learn. I would love an different phrase that is also as easy to say. Ideas?

Wordless Wednesday: Tie-Dye Hat

Wordless Wednesday: Too Hip for Vegas

Wordless Wednesday: Tye-Dye Shirt

In our summer yard. Just thinking.