What Happened With...A New Year's Day Post

...a lot of my November writings? I posted about NaNoWriMo I usually post about homeschooling, and all kinds of things. Here's where that all went.

A sunrise at our house. A new day dawning. Happy, Merry, & Bright.

- Daily Haiku. With the holidays and the sleep cycle that Sister-Bug is in, I haven't gotten my customary writing time I'm the morning. So the Haiku have recently been more erratic that I like them to be. Hopefully with the return of a schedule I can get back on my writing track.

-National Novel Writing Month? I made good progress on a series of picture books I am writing for pagan kids. I've been tinkering with the ideas for year's, but finally began to organize the series into manageable goals, and I have two (very) rough drafts of two different books. It was a lot less than I had hoped for, but ultimately more than I had previously accomplished. So that feel good and I plan to move forward with the series in the coming year.

- November Kindergarten Review? We did emergencies, and because of the way it worked out we continued into December. And then my brain was eaten for the holiday craziness. I never got around to it. I will. And we will have a video as well! Brother-Bug and I are on it.

- Simple Saturdays? I had so many good posts, bouncing around in my head, about simplifying holidays. And it was too complicated a time to write them down. Maybe next year. Maybe I'll spread them out throughout the year - because one of the ways I simplify the holidays is by doing small preparations all year long.

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So that's what happened. We went to Seattle for Thanksgiving and I have barely come up for air since.

If I were to make a New Year's Resolution, it would involve writing more consistently. But for now I am basking in the cuddles of my sleeping children who were up late into the might. And that's enough for now - they will be grown and leaving me with more time for consistent writing all too soon. I'll resolve to focus on the now, the precious moments with my little ones, take each adventure as I find it, and write as much, or when, I can.

It's a New Year. Happiness and Blessings to you for the duration.

Simple Saturday - Holiday Edition: Make It Ourselves

One of the things I deeply enjoy about the holidays is Creation. Baking cookies, making gifts, crafting decorations... Always the gifts we give involve some homemade elements. We buy a few things new (or "newly used" at the thrift), but I love the feeling of ingenuity I get when I create something special out of something we already have.

*

This year I knitted these darling cherries as a Tree Ornament. One tradition is that the Little Bugs always find a new ornament in their Christmas stocking. Often I find nice ones at the thrift store. This year I saw this pattern online and knitted up two little cherry bunches for their Ornaments. They were fun and easy to knit, very quick, and I made them out of yarn ends that were just gathering dust at my mom's house.

Tasty tree trims - made of old scraps.

I would post some of our other creations, but I don't know who reads this and don't want to spoil any surprises. After the Holidays, when the gifts are all given, I will post more extensive pictures and descriptions of some of our creating. I've been having fun, in a financially tight year, finding what I can make with what we have or can find. I often do this, but this year I am focusing on it more than usual and having great success!

The other thing I delight in creating each year is our holiday card. Some years I draw a picture, we color copy it, and make that design into a card. The year I was 6 months pregnant with Sister-Bug we sent a standard photo card. But since then I have been getting into minimizing our card footprint. What can I use to make a fun card?

We are blessed to have the Materials Exchange Center for Community Art (MECCA) here, which is an art supply thrift store. Bins of old fabric, stacks of paper, odd bottle caps, you name it. And more than fairly priced. MECCA is a blessing when it comes to making holiday cards. Last year I scored a stack of odd shaped white card stock, 55 envelopes, and a pile of used holiday cards for $4.00. A little work with paper cutter and glue stick and I had glued the old cards to the card stock, creating new cards!

Kid writing, fabric scraps, reused card stock. Voila!

This year I made these cards - again a stack of old card stock and assorted envelopes from MECCA. I added fabric scraps from my scrap bin, and had Brother-Bug write assorted festive words on a paper, which I color copied and cut out to finish the front. I used some other old card to print out our own greeting which I glued to the inside. I like writing this - what I want and not settling for an approximation of what I want in someone elses' words. Very home made. Very us.

Making my own cards is not simple. It is, in fact, far more complicated than buying cards at the dollar store, or getting a photo card printed. But there is a blessing here. The card says "I took time to make this for you. I thought about you." At least, that's what is says to me. It also champions recycling and reusing (the genesis of the card is printed on the inside, letting recipients know it is a reused item) which is so important to think about in this season of trash.

But though it is not a simple thing, it makes me plan ahead a bit. It makes me slow down and think about people outside my immediate family and those I make or buy gifts for. It makes me stretch my creativity each year as I find something new, something fun, something that will be special when opened.

Simple Saturday - The Holiday Edition: Adjustments

Over the next month or so I want to share Holiday plans and preparations with you. Of all the things I do as a parent, the hardest to simplify is the Holiday season. There's Christmas, which is a simplicity nightmare in itself. But there is also both mine and Papas birthdays. And my side of the family does a four day beach trip for Winter Solstice. Starting with Thanksgiving, it feels like a tinsel-festooned roller coaster that I cant stop.

I'll claim responsibility for a fair part of the chaos. I love decorating and baking cookies. I love making thoughtful gifts. I want to have traditions sprinkled throughout the month and those traditions take time and thought and energy. But I love it.

What we are slowly learning to do as a family is adjust our expectations - and to help those around us adjust theirs.

After the first Christmas with Brother, Papa-Bug and I realized we wanted some holiday time quiet at home. We stopped going to his parents house for the whole day of presents and movies and dinner and what not. It was always kind of exhausting and meant a day out and social. We want the Little-Bugs to enjoy the mellow pace of the holidays, as well as the familial gaiety. Now we have Christmas morning at home - slow, unscheduled, mellow, and growing our own traditions. We go to Grandma and Grandpa's for a dinner and presents.

This was disappointing for the grandparents, and for that I feel bad. But... These are the holidays and I don't want us to go through them feeling like I have to meet others holiday standards and expectations. It's important that we all feel comfortable and festive. It's important to me that my kids have traditions linked to home.

This year, just this past week, we broke with tradition and spent Thanksgiving with Brother-Bug's God Patents instead of at a grandparent house. It was so relaxing. It was the Thanksgiving I have been wishing for. Close, quiet, no expectations, no historical familial drama... Good food and lots to be thankful for. Added benefit was watching Brother-Bug ground and center the way he does only with those beloved God Parents.

Again, grandparents were sorry not to have our presence and for that I am sorry.

I'm not sorry for taking my family's traditions into my mind and hands, making them into holidays that meet the needs and dreams of me, Papa-Bug, and the Little-Bugs. Those dreams will certainly involve biological and extended family. We are truly blessed that we have so many loving people who want to celebrate with us. I keep in mind that I am responsible for the Little-Bugs in this house having a fabulous time, and for building traditions that are comfortable and sustainable for many years. I am not responsible for how other people feel when I adjust our family's traditions and Holiday commitments. We will continue to search for balance between obligation, expectation, dreams, desires, and realities. My focus is on having fun, all of us looking forward to each new holiday delight, sharing with family sometimes, with friends sometimes, and staying quietly at home reading "A Child's Christmas in Wales" sometimes.

Every year I find a place or two that I can make a change and adjust my expectations. When I am looking forward to the holidays and looking for ways to simplify those holidays, a good place to start, in my experience, is with how much we do and with whom we do it.

Simple Saturday: Learning Gratitude

One of the best ways to keep life simple is to focus on being great full for what you have - the material and not-so-material. If I am grateful for my color pencils, I am less inclined to go sigh over additional art supplies. I am grateful that the kids are healthy and healing - that is so much more important than any new thing I need want.

How do we best convey this practice to our children? There is such a pervasive attitude of entitlement among American children, and I see it already in Brother-Bug. Our family does a couple of consistent things to try and focus our days on gratitude.

*We always say a blessing at dinner, sometime something as short as "May Peace on Earth begin in this family." to take a moment to focus on our good food and sitting together.

*During the meal we each say one or two things we are thankful for from the day. This is a great way for us all to check in about the day with a focus on the positive.

*Frequently (though not as consistently as I'd like) Brother-Bug and I tell each other our Three Best Things from the day as we cuddle at bedtime. While this isn't specifically "thankfuls", a focus on the good and positive from the day gets us pretty close. And it always reminds me of how lucky I am.

It's a blessing, a project, AND a decoration!

*For November we are making a long paper chain. We keep pre-cut strips of fall-colored construction paper in a jar on the table, for anyone to grab in the moment. On each link we write things we ate thankful for, whenever we think of them. At Thanksgiving dinner we will disassemble the chain and read each link. Some of the items on there are wonderfully idiosyncratic and bizarre. In the meantime, it's making a lovely Thanksgiving decoration. I have visions of digging the used and enjoyed paper strips into the Earth of our garden, to let the gratitude bless the dirt that grows our food. We will see about that.

*For myself, I find that saying Thanks to the Universe is an effective way of settling down an overactive imagination. I'm trying to convey this to Brother-Bug by asking him what he loves when he's feeling low. It's hard to remember to do this, but we're trying.

In this culture of excess and gimme-gimme, it's an uphill battle. I want to instill my children with the ability to see how blessed they are, even when things seem really bad. My hope is that this will build these pathways in our brains, making us look to gratitude even if times get truly tough. I want thankfulness and joy to sustain us.

I wonder how other families learn gratitude throughout their days?

Simple Saturday: Knowing When To Let Go And Flow

I had several ideas of what to write today, and I was going to get started yesterday.

Then Sister-Bug fell off a chair at noon, which in itself is not too unusual. She's an adventurous one-year old. But this time she didn't bounce back. Gentle exploration of her shoulders caused shrieking and attempts to wiggle away. Her normally cherry aspect was replaced by a groggy child who didn't move when laid down, and who didn't want to eat candy corn.

After a couple hours at Urgent Care, they confirmed my suspicion of a broken clavicle. Poor little girl!

 My entire days are going to be different now. She can't climb, swim, or play unsupervised at all.

That's what a fractured toddler clavicle looks like...

She has to be watched with Brother-Bug, lest his adoring ministrations cause pain or re-injury. It takes twice as long to do her maintenance - brushing teeth, getting dressed, and so on. I'm not going to have the same kind of time to write and clean and do the things I do.


We will be devising lots of ways to keep an active, independent toddler fairly calm and entertained for at least two weeks. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

So, I'm letting go of my visions for today's blog feature, and looking at temporary re-simplifying of my life while Sister-Bug heals and we find rhythms that fit with her limitations.

All wrapped up in a clavicle support and ace bandage. She really hates her "big band-aid."

I'm deeply grateful that we have a pretty simple life that can (fairly) easily flex to support her healing - no daycare to deal with, no dual work schedule to shuffle. The worst is that we had to cancel her swim lesson, and I will be staying in a bit more than usual, because getting her in and out of her car seat is very difficult. One more win for simplicity!

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Along inspirational lines, I loved the idea is this blog post by SteadyMom that the ultimate goal of the day is Peace. She suggests putting it first on your to do list.From the post:

"At the top of your to-do list, write it - Peace.

If anything tries to threaten your goal, it gets crossed off immediately. Don't worship at the altar of busyness and allow the very heartbeat of your family to suffer.

Let me spell it out as a reminder for us all:
Laundry isn't more important than peace.
Cleaning isn't more important than peace.
Homeschooling isn't more important than peace.
The family budget isn't more important than peace."

 Isn't that just a lovely thought?

Simple Saturday: Independent Snacking

One of the things that can drive me crazy is how the Little Bugs always seem to get hungry the minute I have gotten my hands deep in a project, sat down to nurse, or just opened my book. I know I shouldn't get peeved - they are growing and they get hungry and that's okay.

But really? I just started writing this! Two minutes ago I was in the kitchen, digging through the fridge, and you couldn't want a snack then?

In answer to this, I decided to simplify and empower. To do this I got a smaller selection of snacks, focusing on nutritional and flavor balance as well as things I was okay with both kids eating whenever. Then I got three plastic containers with lids that Brother-Bug can easily open.

I keep these bins in a low cupboards, and/or on the bottom shelf of the fridge. Brother-Bug can help himself anytime he is hungry - and he usually takes on sharing with his sister as well.

I keep refreshing the snacks as they need it, and I usually put two different things in each bin. One might have fruit leather and nuts, one crackers and nori, and one carrot and green bean pieces. I try to stick to our concept of The Three Gs as my guidelines. If there is something sweet like fruit leather, they have to eat everything in the bin, not just the sweetie) before that bin is replenished.

Some things I have packed in these bins: cheese and meat bites, seaweed, assorted nuts, chips, crackers, freeze dried fruits and veggies, cooked chickpeas, fresh carrots, peas, celery, or green beans, tofu dip, yogurt, dried fruit, carrot & beet chips, trail mix...

I'm having fun finding fun snacks to diversify their bins, and also finding a special surprise snack occasionally. I think they are both learning about meeting their own needs, saving the sweets so they last (delayed gratification), and a little nutrition. When I do go to get a more prepared snack, I find that I am more inspired to make it fun a different because it's something I do once a day instead of three or four times a day.

And when someone comes in the middle of my writing time, I can easily remind them that the snacks ate within their reach.

Simple Saturday: Our Morning Circle

A recent and successful addition to our simple family is our morning circle. With homeschooling, I notice it can be a real challenge to keep some form of structure in our day. In the short term it is easiest for me if I let Brother-Bug lounge and read the morning away in his pajamas. But ultimately that makes life more difficult, because he builds that as his habit and then getting him ready to go on days we do need to leave the house or accomplish something is really difficult.

About a year ago I instituted our "morning routine". These are the things we must do to get our day going. I try to start it immediately after breakfast every day, but often it kicks off a little later than that. Once it starts, we aren't supposed to divert into other actions, like reading or iPhoning, or dressing dollies. Theoretically, we go through the routine quickly and get it done. In our morning routine we;
Clear our dishes
Brush our teeth
Get dressed
Tidy the play room - we turn on a CD and pick up for the duration of two songs.
Feed the cat and dog

And then we are free to play, persue our own interests, take a walk, or whatever moves us.

The long term issue I had been having was getting Brother-Bug to transition smoothly into the routine. He would clear his dish and head to the couch and his pile of books. Based on the idea of adding rhythm points and candle glow to a child's day (from Kim John Payne), I decided to try a morning circle to see what would happen.

I thought about it - the structure of a pre-school or kindergarten circle, what I liked and disliked about circle structure, and how much time and attention I could expect from my little folk. The first day I started it, they were intrigued. The second day they were delighted. The third day it felt pretty normal. Sister-Bug is the biggest proponent of the circle. If she even hears the word "circle" at any point of the day she goes to sit on the living room floor, approximately where we sit each morning.

It grounds us and clears our heads before our day really begins. It's a good chance to try out ideas for the day. It gives us a natural space from which we can step into our morning routine.

The structure looks like this:

*Light a candle
*Stretch, wiggle, and come to the space. We finish our stretch by wrapping our arms around our chests to give ourselves a "big hug".
*Hold hands and sing a morning song. 
*Read a short picture book or poem or do a rhyming hand game - I do the same one for a whole week so that both kids can really absorb it. I try to choose books and poems that are relevant to the moment - this week I have a Halloween poem to read. Last week we read "Every Autumn Comes the Bear" by Jim Aronsky, to get into the idea of Autumn.
*Everyone draws an angel card and we talk about what each word means.
*Each person shares something they are looking forward to, and/or something they want to do, and/or something that they think will challenge them through the day. 
*Hold hands again and say a prayer by Tich Naht Hahn.
*Blow out the candle. 

It takes us less than 10 minutes. I keep a small tray with the candle, matches, and the angel cards on a shelf, ready to go, but out of the way.

Brother-Bug has a chance to talk through the day a little bit. This is especially useful on days when I know something is going to be hard for him - like his swim lesson. Sister-Bug is learning sitting and paying attention. I find that it really grounds ME as well, and the couple of mornings we have missed, I have really felt off kilter. Papa-Bug joins us on the weekends, and we draw his angel card for him on workday mornings.

I don't feel any pressure to make this happen at a certain time each day, but I do insist that we do it before we launch into any major efforts of the day. I think the next level for me is to make no phone calls (and receive no phone calls) before circle. That can really shatter my attention for the morning.

That's that. It's great. I'll close here with the prayer we close with each day.

Breathing in I calm my body.

     (take a deep breath in and release)

Breathing out I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment,

I know this is a wonderful moment.

Simple Saturday: Into The Woods We Go

I didn't have much time to write today. It's October here in the Pacific Northwest and the past couple of weeks have been the perfect recipe of mixed rain and sun. So today was the day for one of our family's favorite annual expeditions.

It is time to hunt the Wild Chantrelle.

If you know these lovely little mushrooms, I don't have to elaborate. If you don't, I suggest you find a way to cultivate an acquaintance. They are so deliciosu.

I remember hunting mushrooms with my parents - up early and in the car, bound for the deep woods. "But DAD! I don't WANT to go hunt mushrooms!!" But away we all went, usually with the response: "You have to go. You're short and closer to the ground so you can spot them easier."

We got whites (like these) and goldens today. What a treat!

Now I bring my close-to-the-ground children mushroom hunting with me. We love the mushrooms, but as much as we love the tasty-melt-in-your-mouth-goodness, it's the annual ritual and thythm that I love most of all.

In this small act - a day searching through the underbrush for these beauties - tells us that Autumn has truly come. The smells of damp forest, decaying duff, and fallen leaves assail us. The Oregon Grape gives us tart berries to taste. We can't hear any cars. We call to each other through the woods, for location and harvest updates.

If we are lucky, we go home with a couple of pounds of mushrooms for dinner. If we are really lucky, we have some to dry and can for the year ahead. If we aren't lucky... well, that doesn't happen. Because even at our most luckless, we spent the day with one another, out of cell-phone range, enjoying the woods and the brush, crawling through faery glades (respectfully, of course), picnicking in damp and dappled forest, and remembering our connection to this place we call home. That's pretty darn lucky, even if we don't find a single mushroom.

Brother-Bug in the woods - a super mushroom spotter... maybe because he's close to the ground?

It's a simple pleasure, this yearly ritual.

Thanks to my mom and my dad, for yanking us out of bed, forcing us into the car, and teaching us to identify wild mushrooms. I'm so very, very grateful. So is my stomach.

Simple Saturday: The Toy Clean Out

I cleared out the play room last weekend, and have been watching the kids at play in their space since. The pleasure they have had in their space has been amazing to me, yet not surprising. I know that getting rid of excess always feels good for most people, and my kids are no different from me on that attribute.

It was necessary that something drastic change in their room to make space for the refurbished kitchen set my dad made when I was little. I wanted the set in there partly because it's is a beautiful (if ragged after years of play) handmade wooden kitchen that their Grandad created. I have wonderful memories of feasts and fantasies passing through that kitchen while my sister and I played. Additionally I wanted it available so that the Little Bugs could have access to some of that deep, creative play that happen with such a toy.

So I seized the opportunity. The kitchen set was almost ready - after many years of storage it needed some touch ups. The kids went over to my mom's house to help her finish and I tackled their toys.

It was not as big a job as I had anticipated. It was reassuring to know that we have done a good job of keeping a low-ish number of toys coming in the house. But still.

I used the Simplicity Parenting guidelines for clearing space - as I could remember them in the moment of cleaning. I altered them somewhat to fit best with my family's needs and desires.

I got rid of...

Part of the thrift store donation.

Duplicates - when we had two VW bug toys, two memory games, eight stuffed bears, and so on.

Broken toys - trucks missing tires, dolls missing heads, etcetera.

Random Gimcracks - fake teeth from the doctor, extra bouncy balls from a quarter machine, little animal shaped erasers from a past Easter party... You know what little stuff I'm talking about.

Stuff No One Plays With - a set of army men that had never left the box, some of those eight stuffed bears, a set of jacks, and more.

Of course, this is only a partial list. 

I kept new Birthday Presents and all the 'Cars' toys. I kept one noise-toy per kid - a special digger from Brother-Bug's God Mommies and a set of musical flowers that Sister-Bug adores.

The feeling in their room was palpable after I moved the mountain of stuff out to the car. Even though most of the toy storage us not in sight as you walk in the kids room, we could feel the difference as we entered.

All told we took about 5-6 grocery bags and one large trash bag of stuff out. This was probably around a third of the toys. The trash was trashed. The usable items I took immediately to the thrift store, so no little people saw what I was getting rid of.

When the kids got home, I steeled my nerves for sadness. After all, there were a lot less toys than they were used to. But neither has fussed at all, and the available toys are getting a lot more action. Their room is easier to clean up as well.

This has inspired me (and Papa-Bug) to strike at much of our own stuff and to tackle the present giving and receiving issue. The Holidays are just around the corner and I would hate to have all my clearing work undone by well-intentioned relatives.

Finally, I thought long an hard about including Brother-Bug in the process, but I'm glad I didn't. It would have been hard for both of us - he would have wanted to keep all the little bits of detritus that he doesn't realize I threw away. Eventually I am sure he will inventory his vehicles and find many missing, but so it goes.Without his input, I had the freedom to make choices I knew would benefit him. We told him in advance what I was going to be doing, and there were a couple of toys that he told me were really special to him - I kept those to honor his input.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the increased calm in the play room, and the little boy enjoying rediscovered toys and the new kitchen set. And mark down a major win for Simplicity.

Simple Saturday: Contemplating Technology

I have no easy thoughts today. Technology is a bear in our house. At once we feel there is too much (computers, iPhones, television...) and not enough (it would be nice to have an internet movie streaming box, or a DVD player, or better speakers...should the kids have their own iPod in their play room???). And this, as much if not more than any other place, is where Papa-Bug and I disagree. I want to err on the side of too little technology in our kids lives. He wants to give them more access than I feel is good for them.

Kim John Payne argues that about seven-years old is when a kid is old enough to use screen media. Based on the little I know about emotional and mental development and perparadness, I think he is probably right.

But.

But I have an iPhone, and the kids see me use it. But the pictures of their cousins are all online, along with videos, and I want them to feel connected to the far-away members of their families. But the internet is full of amazing resources for the homeschooling child.

Here is what technology use looks like in our house right now:


Family Movie Night on Friday night - this is a recent institution, to try and pull back from a more erratic schedule and make our TV viewing more intentional and less about parents being too tired to handle bedtime.


Television or Movie on Tuesday night - I get home from work with just enough time (sometimes) to scarf some dinner before bedtime. It's the only night I work outside this home, and it really confuses our evening schedule. Additionally, I am blitzed when I get home so unwinding with the TV Box helps me a lot.


Brother-Bug gets 30 minutes of computer time a day, his discretion - he has a log in and desktop with internet links to his favorite (and parent approved) sites. He uses it up first thing in the morning and knows that is all there is. Since setting this up, we have had much less begging and whining. He whines just a little when he gets logged off at the 30-minute mark.


iPhone use for Brother -Bug at parental discretion - I keep only educational apps on my phone. Papa-Bug has a slightly wider selection. We try to save iPhone play for Brother-Bug for times we need quiet or patience, or when it's a special treat. If he asks and we say NO, that's it. Whining and begging for iPhone uses loses future opportunities to play with the magical technical device.

Sometimes there is more screen time than "scheduled" - looking at pictures or finding relevant YouTube movies with a parent. Next week, for example, we are going to watch some of "Cars" while we try to make a map of Radiator Springs for a school project. However, I try to keep education mostly off the computer so far.

I try to keep my phone checking and internet browsing to a minimum, but it is a struggle for me. I want to read blogs, keep up with email and Twitter, and all the rest... One thing I have found is keeping the ringer off on my phone. I can check it occasionally throughout the day and if there is an emergency I will be called at home anyway. I turn on the ringer when we leave the house or if I know I am expecting a call.  I love my phone for the number of managerial tasks it can handle for me. In many ways it frees me up for other, more important, tasks. And it frequently sucks my attention when I least have attention to spare. It's a quest for balance.

Sister-Bug doesn't really figure into it much yet. I know in my guts that she is too young to watch movies and TV, but she does anyway because Brother-Bug does and we like to do movies together as a family. She doesn't play computer or iPhone games yet, but she does like to turn my phone to the lock screen to see the picture of her lovely self.

When it comes down to it, media and technology are an important part of the world my kids are growing up in. Part of my job is to help my kids grow slow, giving them plenty of time to Simply Play. Another part of my job is teaching them how to use (not abuse) and negotiate (not sink into) the media morass into which they were born.  I don't know if I am doing it "right". More and more of the time I want to take the kids far into the woods where Dora the Explorer won't invade their priceless childhood with her marketing schemes.

((There is a future post coming about Licensed Characters and their place in our home))

But that is not practical... because there just isn't service for my iPhone out in the middle of the woods.

What about you invisible readers out there? I feel like I am constantly in a battle for technological balance, and I must renegotiate my position from day to day. How do you feel about technology and kids or families? How do you use technology in your homes?

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Some of this post was inspired by The Happiest Mom's post on being a "tech mom". I don't know if I am a "tech mom" or not. It might depend on the day.

Over at the Simplicity Parenting Blog there are lots of articles about media, technology and Simplicity Parenting. I want to peruse them more, but right now I have been on the computer for about as long as I can be. Time to start dinner!

Simple Saturday: A New Piece of Rhythm

At Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne talks a lot about adding rhythm and "pressure valves" to the day. A pressure valve is a time and space that a child (or family member of any age) can rely on, a time and space in which they can let go if need be. Some examples are grace or a moment of silence at meal times, bedtime check-ins and prayers, of after school snacks... Of course, these options are limited only by what your family needs and can create in your home.

One place that always needs work in our house is the kitchen. Some people seem to be born with a knack for keeping a kitchen clean. Not me. Not Papa-Bug. Both of us enjoy a clean kitchen, and both of us love food and cooking. Neither of us has good follow through when we are cooking. One thing I really want to pass on to the kids is a sense of cleanliness and follow-through, and the joy found in keeping our space clean.

So, about 2 weeks ago we started a new after-dinner rhythm that has been working very well. Everyone helps clean up the kitchen while one grown-up reads aloud to the workers. Even Sister-Bug has a job - she takes the napkins to the laundry - before she does some water play in the sink next to the tidying parent. Brother-Bug clears the table and counters to the space for dirty dishes, scrapes the dishes into the compost, and sweeps up under the table. We frequently find ourselves pausing to listen to a particularly exciting part of our book, or pausing reading to help keep the kids on task. Brother-Bug's chores are still obviously done by five-year old hands (we need to re-sweep usually), but he gains competence with each evening we work together.

Sister-Bug loves doing dishes.

The most amazing thing to me is that there has been no resistance from Brother-Bug (or anyone else, but I didn't expect Sister-Bug to say she didn't want to play in water...). He calmly and even joyfully tackles each task, and is easily drawn back to our project when his attention strays.

I need to do a little preparation for it to work out easily for everyone - like making sure the dishwasher is empty and the knives aren't in Sister-Bug's sink, but that is easily accomplished in a day (most days, anyway). I am delighted at how this is working so far - a cleaner kitchen all around, helpers and learners with me, everyone going to bed earlier since no parent (usually Papa-Bug) is left up late with a filthy kitchen, and such a simple way to connect.

Our after-dinner clean up is rapidly becoming my favorite time of day.

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In related news, Papa-Bug has started a new Blog! When we started dating, almost ten years ago, we were both avid writers. Hopefully some of that passion is coming back and both of us can do more writing. I especially like the way he reviews beer - it always gives me a chuckle.

Simple Saturday: Book Review

This all started because I got this book, Simplicity Parenting, out of the library.

No, it started before that. For about a year I have been wondering how I slid from my visions of a low-toy environment, where media was almost non-existent and my child could grow and develop into this Giant Toy Pile. What happened? This was not what I envisioned as I rubbed my giant belly five years ago.

I've been ruminating and questing for answers, wondering if my original vision is just too at-odds with this culture to be realized. My parental instincts have been shooting off warning flares as I have ignored what I know is True about kids - namely that that children need time, attention, and space more than they need anything else.

Finally, after weeks of waiting, Simplicity Parenting arrived at the library. I read through it as voraciously as my two attention-craving children would let me. It answered so many of those questions I had been asking. It reinforced what I know as a parent, reminded me that my instincts are right and good, and that this culture works tirelessly to undermine that knowledge and to keep us on the "more, more, More!!!" track.

The messages of Kim John Payne are clear and concise (one might even say Simple). Childhood is a precious time that speeds by so quickly... and here we (parents, family, friends, culture at large) hustle these little beings through that time. We want them to learn more, have goals, do that, own this, find that teachable moment, squire that skill... All for their benefit. After all, these are our children and they deserve all we can give them, right?

What Payne contends (and I adamantly agree with) is that kids DON'T need things that are newer, better, faster, more. They don't need to take a jillion extra-curricular activities to succeed. They don't need the latest "Thneed" that everyone else needs.

They need time and space, simple thoughts and clear schedules so that they might fully delve into their experiences.

For me, the most thought-provoking aspect of Payne's writing was his thoughts on simplifying the teachable moments, and how we (liberal open affirming educated patents) push so much information at our kids, in an effort to help the have a rich emotional vocabulary or be good and informed citizens of the world. Payne argues that the can be just as hard on kids as too much stuff or too much TV. kids need to learn to identify sad and happy before they deeply analyze those feelings. Kids need to feel the world is small and safe before they can venture out as the good global citizens we envision.

This particular aspect has given me lots of moments of reflection ad I watch myself and Papa-Bug in out parenting quests.

Finally, in the similar vein, as I constantly overload my children verbally (guilty of that...so guilty...), I keep returning to the simple thought that really stuck with me after the book was done and back at the library:

"if you are talking, you aren't listening."

To sum the book review, I would give it four stars - maybe five when I have had more time to put some of the suggestions into practice. Furthermore, I suggest it as an excellent read for anyone who feels like parenting, kids, their mountain of stuff, or the whole whizz-bang culture is just a little too much too fast.

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There is a related website and blog that I am enjoying exploring. You can check it out - lots of nice fooder for thought. I plan on posting a review here soon.

Simple Saturday: The Intro

Way back on Monday I posted about some new simplification efforts in our home, based on reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, as well as hearing what my instincts have been trying to tell me.

I want to do more than flirt with this idea. I want to change the way we do stuff, the way we live in chaos, and the things we define as important. It's a tall order, and I don't think that last sentence was quite was quite as articulate as I would like.

Because I want a place to be accountable in this new parenting and housekeeping adventure (and because I really, really love alliterations), my plan is to detail these attempts at simplification here on Simple Saturday.

Here's an overview of some of the upcoming adventures here at Chez Simple:

*How we go about paring down the toys and books, and what the results of that are. As I write this, I hear Papa-Bug having the daily battle with Brother-Bug to pick up the morass of toys that creeps ever-spreading across the floor. There is just too much stuff to feel anything but overwhelmed when we think about picking up. And I'm a grown-up - how overwhelming it must be for a kid!

*Talking to grandparents, god-parents, and other family members about this change and how they can support us (mostly by not buying us stuff). Can we do it tactfully? I wonder if the gift-givers will join us joyfully in our mission, or if I will be seen as an over-sensitive, controlling parent. Either way is okay with me, though I would prefer the former...

*Reports of how we have reduced or changed our relationships to media and technology and how that is working out for us.

*How simplification is affecting the relationships in our happy home.

*Reviews of books and blogs and other tools we use or explore.

And probably so much more!

I'm really looking forward to the future and the changes. Does any one out there want to join me in clearing and simplifying? What are your adventures? What is your advice?

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The sailboat at the top is courtesy of Sister-Bug who climbed on my lap while I was writing, insisting that this post needed a "big boat". What a clown she is.