Re-Thinking TV Turn-Off Week

Inspired by our local library, we committed to turning off our TV and video (computer) games for a week. We made it through with little complaining from the kids. We nixed movies and computer time and, since we don't do much of those anyway, we hardly noticed.

But the concept of TV-Turn-Off Week is outdated and needs to be re-invented for this brave new screen-happy world. Patents work from home - on computers, phones, & iPads - and accessing of videos for work and education is normal. We have iPhones and iPads that house our communications and music, as well as games and movies and all else. In our house there is a digital picture frame. Cameras are all screen based. Brother-Bug has a hand-me-down iPod that has games on it. We have a TV, but no cable or conventional TV access. We use Netflix and library DVDs for our viewing enjoyments. These kids have seen actual commercial television maybe 2-3 times. We have no video game console, though Papa-Bug does have some games on his computer that are video game-ish. I use the computer not only for writing and work, but to also access a lot of our educational materials.

Where does this leave TV-Turn Off Week? I love the idea, but obviously it's time to re-evaluate how it fits in a world so littered with screens. When I was little we hung a sign on the TV and that was it. The computer with games like pong(!) was in Dad's home office and we just couldn't use it for the week. It didn't bother us that Dad did keep using it for work - screens weren't in such heavy use that we really thought about it.

How to explain the difference between media use as mind-dulling entertainment, a photography project, a writing project...? Kids are on computers daily in schools - how does that relate?
Can we even begin to contemplate turning off the TV when the ease of screen entertainment assails us from so many other quarters? Or an alternate view - does turning off the TV really make a big difference, when there are so many other screens we access?

Over at Adbusters, they have renamed it Digital Detox Week, and I think they have some good ideas, but it's hard to figure out a good way to relate these ideas directly to kids. Ironically, one of their ideas is based on an online video....

I've been turning this over in my head for almost two weeks now, and I don't know what the answer or balance is. Going totally screen free is not practical or possible anymore. No solution or balance has jumped out at me. Thank goodness I have a year to think it though and prepare for next year!

Taking Time to Enjoy

Yesterday it was sunny and warm in the afternoon - warm like fifty degrees! I thought we could go play in the yard a little and soak up some potential vitamin D. I had a lot to get done yesterday, with Brother-Bugs school work, household tasks, the work that I do...

And then I thought. "NO! LET'S GO TO THE PARK!"

After all, that's why we home school, right? That's why I don't seek employment. So that we can grab the nice days and the snow days and the sick days and live them to their fullest. Sunny? School can happen in the park - at the very least it's PE! Snowy - same deal. Let's get out and play! Rainy and cold is a great time to cuddle up and read or do projects. Sick days are actually opportunities to snuggle together and read "Where The Sidewalk Ends" cover-to-cover in a day.

Because we can.

So often I find myself caught in the trap of "Do, Do, Do" that I forget what my good friend Mark says.

"We are human beings, not human doings."

Swing!! Contrary to her face, it's actually a favorite...

There's a lot to do with kids and curriculum and house and personal interests and volunteering and so on. It's a huge challenge for me to put off the work of the day for the fun that could happen if I let my vision shift a little bit. Because it will likely be rainy tomorrow and the school work will still be there. The dishes will (sigh) still be dirty. The volunteer manual will still need to be edited.

But we didn't miss the sun. We made a new friend. We ran and played and went swinging and sliding. And that, my friends, is worth a lot. Even worth extra crusty dishes.

Foot Print Ghosties

We made these guys the other day, when Brother-Bug wanted to decorate for Halloween. They are delightful, so easy, and super cute.



Trace your child's foot on sturdy white paper. Cut out the tracing - it should be an obvious ghost shape.

Draw eyes and a mouth.

We hung ours on white sewing thread in the window. They could also be nice cards, put together with crepe paper to make a banner, or???

What To Do When...

...the toddler eats a handful of raw ground turkey?
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Clear your schedule, wear something washable, and prepare for some sticky, vomiting toddler snuggles. Yuck.

Spend some time on the phone with the pediatrician and the midwife. Be grateful that the midwife is well informed and really knows her stuff - because the pediatrician wasn't much help at all.

Also, save the package the turkey came in - in case you have to visit Urgent Care (looks like we missed that adventure, thank goodness!).

Sip Pedialite slowly, an hour after the last puke. Flavor it with a little peppermint tea to soothe the tummy.

Take a relaxing bath spiked with chamomile tea and lavender oil and wash the sticky off yourself and the toddler.


Go to bed with a movie....

Oh, wait. Wipe up and change everyone's shirts again. Sleep with the toddler cuddled up on a towel.

Sigh.

Plan on laundry for tomorrow. Lots of laundry.

Sigh.

Simple Saturday: Contemplating Technology

I have no easy thoughts today. Technology is a bear in our house. At once we feel there is too much (computers, iPhones, television...) and not enough (it would be nice to have an internet movie streaming box, or a DVD player, or better speakers...should the kids have their own iPod in their play room???). And this, as much if not more than any other place, is where Papa-Bug and I disagree. I want to err on the side of too little technology in our kids lives. He wants to give them more access than I feel is good for them.

Kim John Payne argues that about seven-years old is when a kid is old enough to use screen media. Based on the little I know about emotional and mental development and perparadness, I think he is probably right.

But.

But I have an iPhone, and the kids see me use it. But the pictures of their cousins are all online, along with videos, and I want them to feel connected to the far-away members of their families. But the internet is full of amazing resources for the homeschooling child.

Here is what technology use looks like in our house right now:


Family Movie Night on Friday night - this is a recent institution, to try and pull back from a more erratic schedule and make our TV viewing more intentional and less about parents being too tired to handle bedtime.


Television or Movie on Tuesday night - I get home from work with just enough time (sometimes) to scarf some dinner before bedtime. It's the only night I work outside this home, and it really confuses our evening schedule. Additionally, I am blitzed when I get home so unwinding with the TV Box helps me a lot.


Brother-Bug gets 30 minutes of computer time a day, his discretion - he has a log in and desktop with internet links to his favorite (and parent approved) sites. He uses it up first thing in the morning and knows that is all there is. Since setting this up, we have had much less begging and whining. He whines just a little when he gets logged off at the 30-minute mark.


iPhone use for Brother -Bug at parental discretion - I keep only educational apps on my phone. Papa-Bug has a slightly wider selection. We try to save iPhone play for Brother-Bug for times we need quiet or patience, or when it's a special treat. If he asks and we say NO, that's it. Whining and begging for iPhone uses loses future opportunities to play with the magical technical device.

Sometimes there is more screen time than "scheduled" - looking at pictures or finding relevant YouTube movies with a parent. Next week, for example, we are going to watch some of "Cars" while we try to make a map of Radiator Springs for a school project. However, I try to keep education mostly off the computer so far.

I try to keep my phone checking and internet browsing to a minimum, but it is a struggle for me. I want to read blogs, keep up with email and Twitter, and all the rest... One thing I have found is keeping the ringer off on my phone. I can check it occasionally throughout the day and if there is an emergency I will be called at home anyway. I turn on the ringer when we leave the house or if I know I am expecting a call.  I love my phone for the number of managerial tasks it can handle for me. In many ways it frees me up for other, more important, tasks. And it frequently sucks my attention when I least have attention to spare. It's a quest for balance.

Sister-Bug doesn't really figure into it much yet. I know in my guts that she is too young to watch movies and TV, but she does anyway because Brother-Bug does and we like to do movies together as a family. She doesn't play computer or iPhone games yet, but she does like to turn my phone to the lock screen to see the picture of her lovely self.

When it comes down to it, media and technology are an important part of the world my kids are growing up in. Part of my job is to help my kids grow slow, giving them plenty of time to Simply Play. Another part of my job is teaching them how to use (not abuse) and negotiate (not sink into) the media morass into which they were born.  I don't know if I am doing it "right". More and more of the time I want to take the kids far into the woods where Dora the Explorer won't invade their priceless childhood with her marketing schemes.

((There is a future post coming about Licensed Characters and their place in our home))

But that is not practical... because there just isn't service for my iPhone out in the middle of the woods.

What about you invisible readers out there? I feel like I am constantly in a battle for technological balance, and I must renegotiate my position from day to day. How do you feel about technology and kids or families? How do you use technology in your homes?

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Some of this post was inspired by The Happiest Mom's post on being a "tech mom". I don't know if I am a "tech mom" or not. It might depend on the day.

Over at the Simplicity Parenting Blog there are lots of articles about media, technology and Simplicity Parenting. I want to peruse them more, but right now I have been on the computer for about as long as I can be. Time to start dinner!

I Don't Get It

In this game, Brother-Bug hands his sister a plastic fruit or vegetable with the command:

"Cucumber! (noun appropriate to the piece he is holding) Accept it!"

Sister-Bug takes it, has one pretend bite, places the food in a basket, and then they repeat with the next piece of fruit or veggie.

This has been going on, with erratic interruptions, for about a half hour now.

I don't know what's going on, really. But this is deep play at it's finest... The kind that grown-ups just can't do anymore, because we can't just "accept it".

A Potty-Training "AH HA!" Moment

I wouldn't say that Sister-Bug is potty training. She has had experience as an EC baby, using the potty consistently at about 3 months old. She went on an extended strike at 9 months that was still going on as we moved, so into diapers she went and has mostly stayed. But lately she has been showing renewed interest in her blue potty.

Coincidentally, there was this post over on Life As Mom about 10-day potty training. I gave it a read, not expecting much since Sister-Bug is only 17-months old. And there in the text was such an AH HA! A moment of clarity.

The goal isn't pee and poop in the potty as much as the goal is dryness! To quote Life as Mom to reiterate:

This was the epiphany for me: dryness is the goal. Going in the toilet is a complimentary facet, but dryness is the goal. Reward, praise, and cheer for dryness. Check for dryness often. And then offer more treats.
Help your child make the connection between going in the potty and staying dry.

 So yesterday I pulled a pair of kid underwear out - the tiniest one I could find, and popped them on Sister-Bug.

She LOVED them. And while she was wearing them - about half the day - she got almost all of her pee in the potty. Poop is a different story and involves several paper towels. But she loved the underwear. AND she told me - while wearing a diaper at the library - that she needed to pee and then made it to the restroom on time.

She lacks most of the usual signs of toilet-training readiness, but she has the most important one: an interest in the process. And that is a great place to start.

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In related contemplations, I hate the phrase potty-training. It makes it seem like the child is a trick pony or seal or something. We don't train them. We help them learn. I would love an different phrase that is also as easy to say. Ideas?

Light a Candle, Say a Prayer

Today my guts are in a knot.

I got word that a dear child of my community was hit by a van and is in the ICU. Predictions are that her injuries are not life-threatening, thank all the Gods that might be listening.

This makes me doubly sure that I hug and squeeze my own sweet babies lots.

It makes me reflect on The Big Subjects.

I never imagined, when I delightedly anticipated the arrival of my son, how fraught with terror parenting actually is. Loss, sickness, accident, and catastrophe loom behind every shadow. Mostly I wend my way through our days without too much worry, but it's always there in the far back corners of my mind.

What if...

Sometimes they are just the silliest what ifs. Sometimes they are more realistic. Sometimes I see the narrow miss and my heart nearly stops. Sometimes I have to check and double check the rise and fall of that small, precious chest. Sometimes I can't sleep for dreadful dreams and imaginings.

If you are a parent you know what I am talking about.

My heart is with the parents, dear friends, in the ICU. I am praying that I am never there with any of my babies.

When I can't sleep I say grace and give thanks. Because whatever happens tomorrow, my kids and I have had today. Whatever happens in the morning, we are cuddling NOW. I hope that I can remember these moments of thankfulness when Grace might seem far away. I hope that I can remember that nothing and no one can take away my moments and memories and all the wonderful times I have already experienced as a parent.

So we pray...

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Take a moment now, before you navigate away, and say a prayer - send a wish - think a good thought - send some Grace to the parents who need it. Then go hug or kiss or text someone you are grateful for. You are so lucky.

A Question of Puppets

It's all over assorted news outlets right now - people urging Bert and Ernie to claim the rainbow flag and get married (since Sesame St. is ostensibly in New York, they have the legal right to do so...if they want to). Statements have been issued about how they are puppets, not people, and as such they do not have romantic/sexual orientation. That's all well and good, but it begs the question of Miss Piggy and Kermit's romantic entanglements in various Muppet movies...

I'll come out right now, just to save everyone the trouble. I'm in a hetero-normative marriage, with two kids, and some decidedly accepting views when it comes to other peoples lives and choices. Namely, if it's not hurting anyone, what is the issue? In my ramblings here I in no way intend to offend, exclude, or otherwise hurt anyone's feelings. These are my thoughts. Take them as such or click away.

Upon personal contemplation and lively discussion, I have decided that while I love the visual idea of Bert and Ernie getting married... Well, I like them better the way they are. Mostly undefined.

Bert and Ernie are two individual who love each other, who struggle with their differences, and share an apartment on Sesame St. Maybe they are friends. Maybe they are sweethearts. When I was little I assumed they were brothers.

Maybe the decisions that two individuals make in their home aren't really my business (as long as they aren't hurting anyone, right?).

Here's the thing. As long as they are undefined, parents can add their level of comfort in their definitions. Bert and Ernie can fit into so many places, becoming possible lessons.

Having trouble sharing a room with your sibling? Look at Bert and Ernie! They squabble sometimes, but they share a room and learn to work together.

Two siblings that look wildly different (maybe a family of adoption)? Look at Bert and Ernie! They may look different, but they sure act like siblings much of the time...

In a single-parent family, in a living situation that involves a roommate? Look at Bert and Ernie! Roommates can be a lot of fun, and sometimes a challenge.

In a family with two parents of the same gender? Look at Bert and Ernie! Two individuals of the same gender living together. Some people get married and some don't regardless of their orientation, but there are two guys living together in a supportive way - just because they are undefined doesn't mean a parent can't give them a little more definition if necessary. Any family could buy a couple of Bert and Ernie dolls and have a wedding. What you do in your home is your business.

And let's remember this. As long as Bert and Ernie can live together in platonic puppet-hood, everyone can watch Sesame St. All the pre-schoolers out there can be positively exposed to the picture of two males living together in (mostly) peaceful ways, supporting one another. I don't care who is oriented how, this is a message that needs to get out there. The minute that Bert and Ernie are outed by their creators, there will be a huge group of young people from conservative homes who will no longer be allowed to watch Sesame St. Who will not be exposed to the positive message that two males can live together and show one another they care, regardless of who they fall in love with.

I don't know what Brother-Bug thinks about Bert and Ernie. If I know much about kids, or remember anything from my childhood, it's not as interesting a question as we grown-ups seem to think it is.

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I realize that this is a potentially inflammatory post. I welcome any comments that are made in the spirit of respectful discussion, be they agreement or disagreement. But please keep it respectful. You would want people to treat you with respect, so honor that Golden Rule, please.

Remembering the Now

Mama and kids piled up, as seen by my phone.

I am more of a morning person than anything else. The occasional day I like to sleep in, lounge, and cuddle until later hours, but usually I am easily restless, curious to see what the day will bring. With a nursling in bed, this can sometimes be a challenge.

Sister-Bug loves to snack and snuggle from about 5:30 on. Sometimes she gets up at 7 or so, sometimes not til 8 or later. Somedays she is deep enough that I can get up and grab a few moments with Papa-Bug, or to myself. Most mornings we cuddle and nurse.

Some mornings Brother-Bug cuddles up to me, effectively pinning me between two sleeping kidlets. Then I am truly stuck, even if Sister-Bug is deep enough for me to detach and persue my own aims. 

Some days I lay there fuming, impatient to get going.

This is a waste of time and energy, as well as precious moments.

In what will feel like minutes, these precious children of mine will leave the family bed and I will be able to get in and out as my whimsy dictates. In the blink of an eye I will kiss them as they leave for sleep-overs, travels, college... Papa-Bug and I will have our bed back to ourselves again.

As Gretchen Rubin so aptly states: "The days are long, but the years are short." I lose so much if I wish away these long morning cuddles. 

Right now, in these moments, my kids want only that I cuddle them. They still fit snug next to me. They aren't so big yet. These are not moments to wish away, so that I might do dishes, or check email, or other mundane dailies. These are precious moments to savor, each and every one.

To get some extra rest.

To dream or daydream.

To read a little while they snooze.

To enjoy the curves and lines of these two beautiful little people, and to marvel at how fast they are growing.

These are the moments I will miss someday.

Family Movie: Because of Winn-Dixie

Has anyone else noticed that it is a huge challenge to find a movie that is appropriate for a young child and engaging for parents? I know it is harder for me than for others, because I really try to keep the media going into Brother-Bug's sensitive brain very clean and easy to handle. So we are stuck often with the most basic of films. Papa-Bug is more of an action-adventure kind of a guy, so children's media often leaves him bored.

At the library I snagged a copy of Because of Winn-Dixie. I haven't read the book yet, but I am a huge fan of Kate DiCamillo's writing. Last night we needed a family movie and we settled on this as a thing to watch.

The kids fell asleep pretty early on - but the scene where Opal finds Winn-Dixie at the grocery store elicited lots of giggles from Brother Bug. Papa and I watched it through and thoroughly enjoyed it.

The high points (without any spoilers or plot detail):

*The characters are real and matter-of-fact people. They are the people you do walk by at the grocery store, but because of story magic you get to peep into their lives. No one is a villain, no one is a hero (Opal is a little bit, but really she is mostly kid). These are all just people doing their best.

*The negative situations, references to drinking and alcoholism, loss of a parent, etc. are just there. Part of the story fabric. Nothing is blown up to Scary and nothing is swept under the rug. This is a hard balance to achieve and it is really well done here. Sometimes things in life are hard and we need our kids to know that hard happens. It's part of the story fabric - real or fictional.

*It has Cicely Tyson in it. Enough said.

*Dave Matthews plays an excellent role. . .and he sings to bunnies.

In my little head I am giving this 4 stars overall, and 5 stars for an all-around reliable choice for anyone older than 2 or 3, and enjoyable for all ages.

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You should know that no one tells me what to review or when to review it. These are merely my own thoughts, based on my own experience. Take it for what it is.

Wordless Wednesday: Boy at the Beach

Walking across the Oregon Beach; discovering, discovering, discovering. He's almost 3 here...